- cross-posted to:
- mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
Far more than c/mildlyinfuriating
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slap some AI on that mf
Our toilets should be smart enough to take a gulp when their mouth is full
Brb, gonna go bleach my eyes
I just thought of a brand new completely different and revolutionary product. A toilet that flushes automatically when you get off the toilet using my patented technology Aii, Artificial Intelligence Infared. I’ll call it the iToilet AI^2. I’m going to be rich.
Subscribe and we reserve the right to throttle flush speed/volume after 6pm.
Standard app doesn’t cover diarrhea or menstruation - those are luxury secretions for our plus members
As long as it has a built in camera and automatically shares to Facebook, I have no problem with this.
3d scanner that generates a 3d printing file that automatically creates one in your friends’ inboxes. It’s just plastic for now but they’re working on adding new materials and artificial scents to really capture the whole experience.
Why not just print it with poop?
Facebook? This person isn’t aware of poopmaps!
It doesn’t count as satire if it’s literally the situation word for word, you have to exaggerate it at least a little. smh
smh
“shitting my hands”
I love little adventure/Twine-style games like this, thanks for sharing! Very lovely.
This was such a surprise when I saw it posted to HN. Could not get phone calls to work though…
Toilets are one of the easiest things to install. Why would you hire a plumber for that?
You should try your own electrical wiring too.
There’s a huge difference between wiring a house and plopping a new toilet over the existing hole in your floor.
Your comment makes me think you’ve never installed a toilet before. They’re incredibly simple.
You can always install a normal toilet it’s not that hard
Yeah, you just need to buy a non internet connected toilet from alibaba because all the reputable places only sell digital ones, model an Adapter of this propiatory connector that you cant find on the Internet because all tutorials get DMCAd and sued into oblivion, and then you have to somehow install it yourself.
Don’t they sell toilets were you live?
If you dont understand, my comment is an analogy for much of the tech scene. My examples were from smart tvs, board level MacBook repairs, and other stuff,and it should Highlight 1. how unreasonable these practices are in tech appliances and 2. How just about every appliance is moving in that exact way.
And you need to buy a subscription or watch an ad before you can flush.
Only for a year or so. Then you’ll need premium+ to skip ads. The free tier is also downgraded to 1 flush per day.
Worse: the company decides to cancel the service and no longer support these toilets. You have to purchase a new toilet to continue service.
But the existing mounting hardware is proprietary, so in addition to a new toilet, you also need to replace half your plumbing.
At first I thought that this would be a great opportunity to pit the water companies who own water meters against the smart-toilet companies who accidentally reduce water usage, eating into water company profits, but then I realised that that battle would inevitably result in them working together to make smart toilets that full flush every 30 minutes unless expressly told not to.
I have the own where I give the app camera access and take a picture of my poop and it calculates the proper flush volume.
And you just know they’re sending copies of all your poop data to China, too, for some reason. Probably something to do with “improving targeted advertising,” but we know better.
And you fecal data is shared with health insurance companies, so you can get personalized
price hikesrecommendationsYou gotta give it biometrics. For your fingerprint, WHAT IF SOMBODY BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE AND SHAT ON YOUR TOILET!!! We need to verify its you! see there keeping you safe from those shitty bastards!! So just uhh give us all permissions
If your wondering there will be a preroll ad for the app and every 20minutes it will turn off your lights to your bathroom. And prompt you on your cellular device “are you still shitting?” And recommend poo docters in your local area using target ads
I wish I was kidding when I say there exist asshole recognition tech already. They’ll just attach that to your advertiser ID so their worldwide network of ‘smart toilets’ can deliver targeted ads to every stall and urinal you visit.
0-0
The fuck
So, if I let a guest shat on my toilet, I have to join and gave my fingerprint permission to flush their shit? Nice.
If an ad starts, the ultimate arkward silence will be better. “Oh look it’s an ad for Iron-meds, your shit looks like you need them.”
More pixels
An app full of spyware and you still need to allow it to access your gallery, precise location, contacts, microphone,camera
And when the company starts struggling, they’ll start charging or requiring you to watch an ad to flush.
Before they go out of business and brick your toilet.
Big whoop I brick my toilet at least once a day 😎
you jest but I recently bought a stove that breaks some UX functions unless you use their fucking app.
I refuse to. fuck em. it does 100% of what I need but that extra 15% would have made it the best ever.
now it gets 2 stars and a bad review for paywalled features.
How sophisticated can a stove be it needs an app?
Also, how did you not catch that before buying?
there’s imperfections in the UI on the stove. like for example there’s no number pad. just up and down arrows. this means I can’t input a timer for 17 minutes, I can go to 15 or 20.
others features like using the air fry broiler will only work with the app, but the regular broil setting works fine. the difference is the fan runs 100% of the time on air fry mode vs intermittently on regular convection mode.
designed inconveniences are the rage for product development now.
I wouldn’t even have thought to look. So unless it was prominent in the description, I wouldn’t notice.
Unfortunately, you always have to look now.
And give it a few years and you’ll always have to look for “AI” too. We really are approaching Red Dwarf Talky Toaster territory.
I have a stove with optional app support, but I tolerate it because the app doesn’t add anything. The local controls can do everything. If you use the app, you have to hit a button on the local controls anyway to confirm you are physically there anyway before it listens to the app for most things.
The only thing that was somewhat convenient was phone notification when timed cooking was done, because the stoves own chime wasn’t that loud. However ultimately I stopped bothering and just set a phone timer when I set cook timer, because keeping the oven on the network was an active maintenance activity that wasn’t worth it.
You have already flushed 3 times today. Wait 22 hours, or upgrade to FlushApp premium to enjoy unlimited flushing experience.
Upgrade to FlushApp Premium Super Plus to remove advertisements prior to flushing.
Upgrade to premium+ for AI features
“I have analyzed your fecal output and determined that you consumed an excessive amount of beer and hot wings within the last 36 hours.”
Smash cut to every device in the house showing beer and wing ads for 2 weeks
And when the company stops wanting to pay the webservice hosting costs, you have to pay the plumber to come back and throw your useless toilet in the trash.
Worked for a company that made a kitchen appliance that had zero buttons. Needed an app. If you unplugged it without shutting it down in the app, it’d send you an alert notification. The app took at least three taps to fucking turn it off.
And the company was paying something like $1MM/yr to AWS to keep this thing running.
Fun tip, you can dump a bucket of water to flush the toilet. Useful if you’re ever working on your water supply after taco night.
No the Flushmate Throne Pro would definitely not have an S bend, it would have a proprietary in-house designed mascerator pump.
I have made the shit demons mad, what the fuck do I do now?!
“there’s an APP for THAT!”
(wow is that dystopian.)
