You must log in or register to comment.
So, is Satan so busy that he only gets to fuck once a year? Or is Halloween the one day of the year he’s not practicing safe sex?
I never thought about this before, but it seems somehow important.
Also, “his bride”? Not his wife or girlfriend? Does he get married to a new person every year?
This whole situation feels too oddly wholesome for these people to be so upset. Straight? Check. Married? Check. Planned and wanted pregnancy from someone with a lot of power? Check! The father is the literal devil? Fuck that, apparently! Get out of here, you model-citizen demon!
Also, to whomever wrote that note: I’m glad y’all don’t like walking in front of my house. You’re literally the worse. I’d rather hang out with Satan and his bride than you judgmental prudes.
I have no scientific proof, but people that act out like this always have something to hide. The first boss I ever had would come in every day and quote from the Bible during the last 15-20 minutes of my shift. I actually fell for his rap and believed that he was a righteous God fearing family man. I was sixteen and somewhat religious myself. One day I got up from my desk as I needed some office supplies. As I walked by his deserted secretary’s desk and neared his door, I was just about to knock when I heard him softly calling out to God. I paused for a second thinking that it might not be a good time to interrupt as he might be reading the Bible. As I stood there like a dummy, I quickly realized he was getting a blowie from his secretary. This event made a huge impact on me and I quit a few days later.
I’m more scared of the person who would write this letter and their apparent torch lit mob than of “satan”.
I couldn’t help but imagine a gargantuan crimson horror beyond human imagination, with tears in its eyes and phlegm flowing from various orifices, exasperatedly yelling “what else do I have to do to make you people like me!?”
Maybe it’s a “bride of Frankenstein” thing. More of a title than anything.
Though this is the devil they’re talking about. Satan could be getting divorced every year and remarrying, or just straight up adding a new “sister-wife” annually.
I legit have not thought this much about real world religion in years.
Same. Now I’m wondering how many kids he has and what their names are.
I wonder if Satan is open to adoption, plenty of people have been called the child of Satan so why not make it official
I am betting not many. What are the odds that hell doesn’t have a for profit healthcare system? Slim to none especially given where health insurance adjusters end up.
Why would satan bother getting married at all?
Tax advantages, I imagine.
Even Satan knows not to cross the IRS.
I find it hard to believe that Satan doesn’t live in sin with his gf.
Maybe she dies in childbirth
So Satan has a harem of girls
I’M THE HEAD DEMON PRINCE OF HELL WITH A CUTE HAREM OF GIRLS BUT CAN ONLY HAVE ONE BRIDE?!!
Anime title writers: “write that down write that down!”
You kind of HAVE TO have a Satan and bride honeymoon theme now don’t you?
At that point, I’d do a ‘satan on pornhub’ theme
Is Satan circumcised on pornhub?
If the neighbors choose to use the mailbox like that, I don’t see how it couldn’t be viewed as a suggestion.
oh I would have upside down crosses all over my yard. I would up the horror game so much that they would sue me.
One year I had a house party with around 80 people. The church across the street (uphill) called the cops on me - twice. So on Halloween I burned a pentagram into my front lawn with a cleaning agent iirc(?) for them to gaze down upon for the next two months until it snowed. They never bothered me again after that. It’s good to set boundaries.
I’d have that framed and hang it up every year as a badge of honor. This person won Halloween 👏👏👏
I’m so sick of all religions
Does that include Buddhism? If so why?
Does that include Buddhism?
Yes.
If so why?
Have you read what is happening in Myanmar?
Becasue every religion has been used as a tool of oppression, including Buddhism.
I have not read about Myanmar. Care to elaborate?
I think this is a good summary:
deleted by creator
I keep forgetting that’s in Myanmar. Too many genocides right now
No. You made a sweeping defence of Buddhism. Implying you know it is not like other religions, so I think you should do some reading.
No I asked a question. I didn’t defend shit. You’re too damn sensitive.
deleted by creator
1.) I asked a question on a forum
2.) An interlocutor made a claim
3.) I asked for an explanation of that claim.I’m not asking for anyone to ‘do my homework’. I’m asking someone to explain their claim. How is that hard to understand for some of y’all? It’s literally the equivalent of asking for sources.
Then don’t bother commenting if you can’t back yourself up.
deleted by creator
You’re an asshole
I don’t understand how this pertains to Buddhism. Myanmar, a brutal authoritarian country ruled by a military autocratic junta is committing atrocities against its population, both Buddhist and Muslim.
Unlike Abrahamic religions, there is not a single part of Buddha’s teachings nor a single school of Buddhism that would condone this. Myanmar happens to be a Buddhist country, whose government acts this way. The bible, the q’ran and the tora all incite violence on some sort of people, be it gays, polytheists, infidels, apostates, you name it, but not a single word in Buddhism ever speaks in favor of violence.
Seems like a stretch to peg this on Buddhism. If Myanmar was not Buddhist, they would act the exact same way. This is more a Myanmar thing, rather than a Buddhist thing. This is like ascribing Nazi crimes to Christianity because Germans happened to be Christians during Nazi rule. The crimes derive from governmental nationalism operation, not from religious teachings. The bible god may have said that gays deserve to die, but did not say Jews deserve to be killed. Crusades and the inquisition are Christian crimes, Nazism is an ideology crime, same as Myanmar nationalism.
If you knew anything about Buddhism, you would know that violence goes against everything Buddhists believe. There is no justified violence in Buddhism. There is no right justification to be violent in Buddhism. Being violent is proof you do not understand Buddhism in any way. I challenge anyone to bring me proof of any teachings of Buddha that condones what is happening in Myanmar. Literally any verse, any koan, any quote, anything at all. Anything that shows that Buddhism encouraged Myanmar to act this way. If someone who calls themselves Buddhist goes around murdering people, even though in all history of Buddhism, never once violence was called for in any teachings, can you honestly say it is Buddhism that is flawed here ? Can you be intellectually honest and still say Buddhism incited Myanmar to commit genocide ?
Your second paragraph details my understanding of Buddhism and why I asked. I have also recently read that The Buddha is not considered a god. It seems to me that Buddhism is more akin to philosophy than religion.
Siddathrata was never ever just a man in Buddhism. There are verses where he talks about coming back to earth to help humanity. Must be dozens of distinct fairytales about his birth alone let alone his physical form.
If you met a being that came from heaven to save humanity, was budded off a women’s side instead of normal birth or C-section, who walked as a newborn while flowers grew in his footsteps, who as an adult could spin his hands 360, could warp time and space to avoid knife stabs, whose ears were so long he could suck them, who had webbing that glowed between his super long fingers, soles of feet like a turtle shell, stood 7 cubits tall, could will falling boulders away from himself without even noticing, a natural palm pattern of a thousand spoke wheel, could summon a 7 headed snake as an umbrella, could meditate for 40 days without stop would you call that being human?
This part of the world is a lot like the west before monotheism took over. They have loads of gods. While true that some writers tried to emphasis his humanity they are few and far between.
If Buddhism is not a religion I truly do not know what a religion means. All those people at the temples I have been to, making offerings, engaging in OCD like rituals, seeking blessings, praying, chanting, seem like they were doinf religion to me.
I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure there’s both a religion and a philosophy. Taoism and confucianism are the ones that are more philosophical than religious but even taoism has a fair amount of woo baked in. Don’t know shit about confucianism except all the times Lao Tse pokes at Kung Tse in the Zhuangzhi, which is probably a bit skewed perspective. I made a cursory study of some of Eastern philosophy a few years back. Went a bit into the religious aspects but lacked the cultural background to properly understand without a teacher so I stuck mostly to just the philosophy (which was far less inscrutable than the Zhuangzhi, for example). It’s a western mistake to necessarily separate the two, from what I understand. Still worth trying to understand tho.
Of course there is both. You can say the same thing about every religion that has established itself. There have been great minds who wrote stuff down in all the major faiths. I don’t think theists are dumb people. You can for example study Thomas Aquinas and I dare anyone to say he wasn’t sharp but that won’t make Catholicism not a religion.
You are correct. Buddhism is indeed more akin to a philosophy to find meaning in life and to act in a way that minimizes suffering to yourself and others through compassion.
Although there is a lot of mythology regarding reincarnation and energies, but the old nature of Buddhism makes it so not everything is clear crystal whether it was stated by Buddha or not. Moreover, like Hinduism, a lot of things explained by the Buddha were metaphors that explain processes that are hard to explain unless you have a clear understanding of science that didn’t exist back when Buddhism was founded, or were analogies to better explain them. Stuff like the cosmic wheel, energies, that sort of thing.
Additionally, many myths were created around the image of Buddha that were embellishments added at a later date, not just to the teachings, but to the man himself. You could say that if some Buddhist believes in something that it is part of Buddhism, but Buddhism is a personal journey that each person must take themselves and see. The Buddha always said that each one of us must take that journey and learn the things he learned himself. He is no prophet, nor god, but a man who understood part of the rules of the universe and that each person could too. This is why Buddhist teachings take the form of koans. Small, confusing tales meant to make you think deeply upon certain characteristics of the universe, to help you reach the same conclusions as he did by yourself. “If two hands make a clapping sound, what is the sound of one hand ?” This is one such koan, what does it teach you about life, society and the universe? It’s not quick and easy. You’re supposed to sit and think about it. Even if i tell you what i think it means, you’ll only understand my perspective on it based on my life experiences. Your lesson might take a different explanation than mine based on your own life, which is why koans have no universal solution. They’re meant to replicate thought patterns and realizations that are bespoke to each intelligent being. No one can spoonfeed you Buddhism. It requires agency, thought and doubt.
This is why the Dalai Lama said that if science proves Buddhism wrong, Buddhism adopts the scientific explanations. Buddha was a man that came across some fundamental insights into being happy. Sooner or later these insights will be discovered and proven by science, much like the benefits of meditation were, and will be explained in scientific terms. Meditation helps you focus and being at peace because it reduces the activity in the Default Mode Network of the brain. Buddha could not explain the default mode network. He probably didn’t know what those words even meant. But he knew that “Meditation brings wisdom. Lack of meditation leaves ignorance. Know well that leads you forward and what holds you back.”
I can understand the weariness of some people about religion. I can understand the distrust about Buddhism. Yet i can appreciate that everyone has their own internal journey and doubting Buddhism is an integral part of it. I too began by thinking Buddhism made no sense, until it did. Because of this exact reason, there are no heretics in Buddhism.
-
It isn’t an apples to apple comparison. Buddhism lacks an equivalent to the Koran or Bible. The Pali Canon is closer to the Talmud merged with the Gospels. The result is massive tomb of long theology arguments with stories about the “perfect” founder. It doesn’t have the messy horror of what happens next like other religions recorded. Who knows what terror Buddhist kings led and were recorded?
-
I see we aren’t going to mention what the Tibet government did to heretics. Fine, screw intellectual honesty
-
Here is the real problem with Buddhism: it breaks every country it takes over. You can go right now to South East Asia and see everywhere the poverty those people live under. Then walk into a “small” temple and have your mind broken with how impressive it is. The entire resources of a people, their best minds, their main output of labor, all of it invested in this one thing. This replicating meme that bankrupted them. Every single time I go my brain melts seeing a small town village temple that wipes the floor with anything the west produced.
- And 2. You once again misunderstood the fact that Buddhism is not a system of government. It is a religion that is more akin to a philosophy. It is impossible to follow the Buddhist religion and cause terrors, because Buddhism is centered around compassion and acceptance. Buddhism never set any guidelines to create a system of government, in fact, governments are in themselves anti thetical to what Buddhism is meant to accomplish. Buddhists were, since times immemorial, monks who lived out of charity. Buddha explains how ownership creates suffering, for everything you own, you have to obtain, then you have to defend. Buddha himself was a ruler who gave up ruling. So whatever Buddhist “kings” did was beyond Buddhism.
3 . Buddhism has no problem. Buddhism measures success in joy and lack of suffering. You measure success in material possessions. Those people living in poverty live happier than you living in abject luxury, for if they lose everything, they will still lose nothing. To me it seems pretty successful. To understand why they are happy, even though they don’t have a perfectly insulated and heated home, a Tesla car, they don’t eat Ribeye every week and make 100k a year while working on their corporate insurance job, is a journey that you yourself will have to take to understand. I can understand that being a western citizen and always measuring things in profits can make this journey quite confusing, but Buddha himself was the wealthiest man of his kingdom and his teachings show us that he was no more special than any of us.
Eastern religions, like Taoism and Buddhism, teach that in this life, taking more than what you need is pointless. When you die, you take nothing. It’s like buying a street legal car with the engine of a Ferrari. If everyone has the same amount to spend on a car, why spend it on an engine that is more than you need for the task ? Instead, followers of these religions spend their time not in obtaining more wealth that will be irrelevant once they die, but in developing themselves, mentally and spiritually, which is what they believe is what you take with you once you die.
Your first point is a rehashing the claim every religion makes. The religion is perfect and blameless, it is the people who are wrong.
Your second point was just a load of crap. First off for a people so happy I wonder why they work so hard to leave. Secondly I don’t know where you got the idea that South East Asians don’t eat well, certainly not from experience. Best freaken food on earth. Third I have you know I don’t work for an insurance company and drive a Honda Civic.
Your third point is also crap. The Bible says the exact same thing and you act like you invented it. How many times does Jesus complain about people making money? A freaken lot. Your argue for self improvement was also not great since you don’t exactly produce any metrics for it.
Well then i have nothing else to explain to you. You asked for me to explain, so i did. You say everything is crap and clearly miss the forest for the trees. I never said asians don’t eat well, the point wasn’t about your specific car and job, Buddhism is older than the bible (like way, way, way older) and you still try to apply metrics to spiritual self development.
You’re either not ready to understand or I’m not the one with the ability to explain Buddhism to your specific person. Either way, I’m not forcing Buddhism on you, nor i have any intentions to convert you. My point is merely that governmental rule is not covered by Buddhist teachings. What Myanmar and Tibet do are not Buddhism because Buddhism has zero guidelines about governance of a country. Buddhism is about self development. Buddhism calls for the exact opposite of genocide and there is no inconsistency about this. That is all.
deleted by creator
-
That has nothing to do with Buddhism and everything to do with racism.
Yes it does, I have been to South East Asia.
Cool story bro. I’m currently in Thailand. Does that make me even more right about what I say? No, it does not. Nor does you having been here mean anything.
Nice. Go check out Ayutthaya if you are in Bangkok, only about 2 hours and totally worth it. There is a particularly nasty Hell Garden you can catch on the way back. You do know what a Hell Garden is right? Why don’t you tell everyone what a Buddhist Hell Garden shows? I don’t think even the Catholic Church would produce art that vile in the dark ages.
Enjoy your trip and remember if you don’t see a price you are going to get charged forlong rates.
I did not know what a Hell Garden is so I looked it up. Seems like art to me and it seems that it is not to your liking. I don’t find them to my liking either but I really do not see what is wrong with them.
Are you going to keep doing that, asking questions then assuming everyone knows what you’re talking about? It’s quite annoying and does nothing to further your point or the discussion. You’ve done it in several comments now. I’ll share what you could have easily instead of those ridiculous questions and assumptions. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wang_Saen_Suk
I did not know what a Hell Garden is so I looked it up.
Gotcha. Started to make sense now. Alright so a hell garden is a series of painted statues graphically depicting the tortures of Buddhist hells. The one I suggested you visit including humans getting hot coals shoveled into their ass, tongues being ripped out, and people being boiled in a pot. It’s cute and quaint, right next to a children’s school if I remember correctly. Sorry been a while, haven’t felt the need to see torture scenes.
I am a very concerned resident regarding your horrifying and demonic array every Halloween.
This is not a happy time of year.
In fact it is the time when Satan Impregnates his bride.
you need to consider what you are doing as it is affecting many of the neighbours in this area.
Some of us dread walking by your house
For anyone who wants to use this as a copypasta
“Satan impregnates his bride” is a new one. I hope the pregnancy goes well for them lol
Especially, as the sender is most likely anti-abortion.
Removed by mod
lol that got me too . like… I’m pretty sure you made that up
That needs to be copied, laminated and posted outside with pride.
Needs to become a copypasta
I’d adapt the decorations to include an unholy marriage theme.
Where the fuck does this “the time Satan impregnates his bride” shit come from.
A lot of these religious zealots tend to straight make shit up, usually about connections to hell/devil/Lucifer. Everything they don’t like is somehow connected to Lucifer or Hell. It’s usually a control mechanism.
I once had someone try to tell me that ‘lol’ meant ‘league of Lucifer’ as opposed to ‘laugh out loud’, which is ironically exactly what I did when I heard this.
It’s almost like all religious shit is just made up to control people.
I wouldn’t disagree if I’m honest. You only have to look through history to find a multitude of examples.
These types of zealots take it to…weird levels. Not necessarily new or unprecedented, just…weird. Even more nonsensical than the base religion.
Core religion is, for the most part, the whack ass manipulation people pulled out of their ass that was deemed fit to put in written words and hold onto for more than the week or three after some hack-job con artist said it without thinking.
Illiterate thieves stuck at typewriters for millennia and they call it “scripture”.
i hate playing league of lucifer, i’m more of a dota guy (defense of the angels)
They do make shit up, but it becomes “canon” if enough people believe it. Turns out the latest Christian trend is to criticize “Pauline”. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt27433128/plotsummary/?ref_=tt_ov_pl
That was the answer they were looking for; They do this with every horror movie/ series, though.
“Canon”, not “cannon”. Two different words and spelled differently.
Nah, I’m very clearly talking about massive projectile firing cannons from the Bible.
They did this with ‘Lucifer’ too, a cop drama where the lord of darkness…solves crimes
I had an uncle who told me that if I got an earring it was satanic and my mom said the same thing about a ponytail.
Christianity somehow gets dumber as time goes on and I don’t know how they accomplish this.
If I ever encounter someone making stuff up like that, I want to ask them to back it up with the Bible, because I have a very strong feeling they’re going more on gut instinct than scripture.
I only hear about these kinds of people online, though. Well, except the one time I heard a guy condemning Magic: The Gathering, but he was at least making sensible points about it.
Does it have to be xtian shit because I’m kind of working on a pastafatian spinoff that would work around worshiping delicious food and also maybe I could run a restaurant
For me it does, because Christianity is the only religion I can truthfully claim to be a fellow believer in.
You don’t believe good food is godly? Heretic! (ง’̀-'́)ง
Not godly, but a gift from God at least.
We’re gonna have to have this out over some gyros
They just block you. They aren’t looking for a debate, they look to be validated through the identity they craft for themselves.
I meant in person. I haven’t had trouble dealing with this kind of person online in the few times I’ve interacted with them, probably because they give me the benefit of the doubt for being a Christian myself.
It’ll be like playing chess with a pigeon. They’ll just shit all over the board and strut like theyve won.
These people don’t follow the Bible. They follow what their pastor/parents/husbands say and hang onto every word unquestioningly like it was literally gospel. They won’t hear a single word against them or their teachings… They’re the definition of brainwashed.
I have and it doesn’t matter. Neurology backs me up on this. You and your god believe exactly the same thing. The Bible isn’t there to tell people what to believe it is to confirm what they already “know”.
I’ve been corrected by the Bible before. The big reason my beliefs line up with the Bible so well is because I’ve dedicated myself to following what it teaches and grew up around people who legitimately do the same.
The entire field of neurology backing you up on the idea that I reshape my idea of God to suit whatever I want to believe doesn’t explain me reshaping what I believe to match God.
Uh huh right. So why are you on the internet? You should have given away all your possessions and just depend on God.
Consider the lilies, they toil not, nor do they spin.
Sorry for the textwall. Bible context and explanation, y’know.
John 21:3-12:
Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.”
“We’ll come, too,” they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night.
At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach, but the disciples couldn’t see who he was. He called out, “Fellows, have you caught any fish?”
“No,” they replied.
Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get some!” So they did, and they couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it.
Then the disciple Jesus loved said to Peter, “It’s the Lord!” When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his tunic (for he had stripped for work), jumped into the water, and headed to shore. The others stayed with the boat and pulled the loaded net to the shore, for they were only about a hundred yards from shore. When they got there, they found breakfast waiting for them—fish cooking over a charcoal fire, and some bread.
“Bring some of the fish you’ve just caught,” Jesus said. So Simon Peter went aboard and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net hadn’t torn.
“Now come and have some breakfast!” Jesus said.Jesus never told them to give away their net or boats. It was through the fishing equipment they had and the work they did that he provided for their needs.
My laptop and internet connection are how God provides for my needs, by allowing me to have work as a programmer and enough income to survive and pay for my college education, which will in turn allow me to get better pay so I can give more to the poor. That, and it gives me access to the largest mission field I’ll ever reach.
Excess possessions should be given to the poor, yes, but wisdom is required in all things. I can do more for the Kingdom with the internet than I could with the few hundred dollars I might earn by selling my laptop.
Gotcha. How convenient for you. Your moral code requires you to act exactly how you want to act.
Do you get it now? You want a computer programming degree and your god wants you to have a computer programming degree. They always match up! You didn’t align yourself with the Bible, you quote mined to find the text that backed up the decision you were already going to make.
And hey I am not even judging. I was a theist. I did the same thing. Turned out God wanted me to become a Biblical Scholar and then God changed his mind and decided I could serve better an as engineer. Which coincidentally happened the moment I found out what the pay difference was. I remember exactly how you feel now. Feeling like the creator of the fucking universe gave a shit if I jerked off or not.
Do what you want. Prayer is just talking to yourself. Hope you see the light one day. Face existence, cold unfeeling, indifferent, but real.
If this isn’t fake,
What gets me is, this is coming from a fundamentalist, but no where in the bible is Halloween mentioned. They’re angry about fan fiction.
Lots of them don’t even read the Bible. At least in my experience. They just spew whatever they hear in their circles, a lot of which is headcanon. Heck they don’t even follow one of Jesus’s big things, love thy neighbor.
What a fucking fruitcake
In what fictional D-list movie universe do they live in where satan impregnates a bride on Halloween?
Also I thought Satan was evil… wouldnt it make more sense for him to impregnate someone who isn’t his bride, perhaps even through non consensual means?
If you’re going to be the face of evil might as well do the sin part properly.
Right? At least make it sex before marriage!
deleted by creator
Every year. How many anti-Christs are there at this point?
Well obviously Satan gets an abortion every time
God damnit, take my upvote.
The irony is it probably stems from some pagan belief and has nothing to do with Christianity.
Halloween is not a fertility festival, it is a fall harvest festival. Like Oktoberfest.
The fertility festival is in Spring, and it’s called May Day.
The Oktoberfest is not a fertility festival. It was created to celebrate a royal wedding. The German fertility festival is called „Erntedank“ (~“thanks for the harvest”).
*Beltane
Yeah I know. It just doesn’t sound like anything in the Bible so I assume it’s some weird bastardization of paganism. Or just completely made up.
I’m only saying this because all the cool parts of “Christian” holidays like the Easter bunny and much of Christmas come straight from paganism.
I’m familiar with paganism, that doesn’t make sense either
Paganism is just a Christian catch-all though for all non-abrahamic religions.
umm through the lens of Christianity sure
It’s a word coined by Christians specifically to convey that idea, so yea that’s usually the lens we’d be talking about when using the term
Satan is married?
What’s this about Satan’s bride?
I dunno but it sounds kinky
Hey they’re married and it’s for reproductive purposes! That’s almost as Catholic as a priest and a choirboy!
she must be a very lucky woman
Wait its Satan? I’ve read it as Santa and was confused AF
Santa baby…
