I’ve had a little cry. I have some thinking to do
I’ve just caught up on the posts from today. I’m so sorry this is happening. Don’t feel rushed or pressured into any decisions. You’re an adult, this is your life, and where and how you live is entirely your choice. If you need a week or a month or even longer to properly think it over then that’s what you do. You might get pushback so be ready to stand firm. But I think you already know that you don’t want locked rooms in your home. And I agree with you, I wouldn’t want it either.
I don’t like it.
It speaks of lack of trust.
Alamut could always say no. She doesn’t want the money. She will just take longer to save more. Because having locked room is unaccpetable.
We have your back.
hugs
Long lunch at Terrea in Bendigo. It’s actually attached to the Ernest which also has some cozy seating in the wine cellar bar. Entree, main , and dessert were all exceptional. I had the duck, and it came with a sausage for some reason. A welcome surprise. 5 stars all around.
After lunch, we went for a few more drinks at the Belmont, which some of my clan used to own many years ago. Not much has changed, with the exception of a beer garden and the fire place is gone.
Looks lovely, glad it was an excellent time. Looking at their menu, the rigatoni would have been my choice but the duck looks fantastic.
Yeah, I stole some of MrsGods rigatoni and it was excellent.
what a beautiful mild evening
it feels unnatural
I’ve been laying here with the window open and it’s… not cold. It does feel kind of odd.
I’m still wearing my oodie in rebellion
Imagine a video of Lisa Simpson playing guitar and singing when the power plant workers were on strike.
People not very often ask “how do you grow coriander mine always die”?
I don’t have an answer 🙃 Pretty sure neglect is the key.
Coriander in the foreground, apricot tree going into flower high high right, carrots to the high right of the patch, spinach mid top and leeks top left.
I don’t know why but that stuff tastes so fucking bad to me and yet everyone loves it
Is it the soap gene taste thing?
Heaps of people hate it so you’re not alone lol.
I tried to Picklecore meal at KFC. Don’t do it to yourself.
I am NOT a pickle enjoyer. But I got a pickle slider thing and it converted me to a pickled enjoyer. I’m not even joking. I think it’s so good.
Thanks for the tip. As the renowned pickle enjoyer of the family, it has been suggested to me that I try this meal. I don’t actually like KFC though, so I’ve been hesitant.
Erryone flexing nails.
Whilst mine aren’t as pretty and a lot less effort has gone into it I do have more than 10.
😝shall I break out the Brad gun?
I’ve been unwell since Friday night (headache, sore muscles, hot and cold, sinus congestion, sneezing for Australia). COVID test was negative 😅 But I’m feeling better today and I’m going to drag my sorry arse out for some groceries and fresh air. Seems nice out there.
Glad you’re feeling a bit better! I hope you got some excellent fresh air! The warmth feels invigorating!
It looks lovely out there, I’m going to do some work in the garden.
Enjoy!
The mosquitoes enjoyed me very much. 🦟
Okay so.
My understanding of the apartment hunt was that I was buying a home for myself. Part of it is my savings, part of it a homeloan scheme, part my parents chipping in. The condition of my parents contributing is that any apartment I buy has to have a second bedroom, second bathroom and car space - a guest suite, effectively, for them to use when they come from Mornington into town.
One of the options we looked at yesterday was a converted hotel space - two suites that have been turned into a single apartment. Because it WAS two rooms, it has two front doors.
“Oh, great. Total privacy. We can even lock our side when we’re not here”
Hang on, that means I’m locked out of about 40% of my home on a daily basis
“But that’s ours. Why would you ever go in there?”
Because it’s part of my home. The suite is yours when you need it, for as long as you like…but I’d quite like to have, like, a chair and some shelves in there as well as your bed so it’s not completely wasted space for the 75% of the year you’re not here? Maybe one of my pictures goes on that wall? I’d like to be able to stash my yoga mat and Christmas shit in that wardrobe?
Apparently that’s not the deal. It’s not “the guest room in my home”, it’s their private space in the city that they don’t want me to enter even when they’re not here. They thought I understood that expectation going in.
We’ve been looking at city apartments. Making two rooms functionally useless/invisible to me because they’re not actually mine to access feels like…a bigger deal in an apartment compared to having an unused bedroom and guest bathroom in a big house.
I’m…weirdly upset by this. I’m happy to host - gladly, and I’ll get a second TV and the nice sheets/towels they like so they can be entirely comfortable in that guest suite - but I honestly thought that it would be a guest room I could at least sit in when they didn’t need it.
Am I overreacting?
NO YOU AREN’T. Repeat after me - I haven’t found the perfect apartment for all our needs yet - and keep repeating until they listen a bit more. And keep looking at other apartments.
rant
Because I think they’re (collectively) going to keep trying to overrule your opinions and judgment in favour of their own. They’ve done this before if I remember correctly, so I think they will at least have a good go at it. With the very best of intentions of course. Trust your instincts (and previous behaviour patterns).
Second, if they’ve fixated on the separate door that can be locked, float the idea of a formal written agreement drawn up by a lawyer. If you are going to be locked out of 40% of your apartment, then I think it’s only fair that they should pay 40% of the ongoing rates, taxes, utility bills, service charges for common areas in the building/lifts etc. And a payment to you as the live-in caretaker/cleaner. This needs to be in writing.
If they try the old standard crap that ‘family doesn’t need lawyers’, well, I work in the legal profession in a branch that deals a fair bit with the aftermath of that statement. Very profitable for us but a source of immense family trouble/drama for the participants. If it’s family, then you really really need a written agreement drawn up by a lawyer. Trust me. And they’ve already red flagged that their expectations may differ profoundly from yours.
Third, this is going to be principally YOUR lifespace (and Chook’s). To be shared as and when required. If they want to make a contribution to make this possible, then what they get should be proportional to what they contribute. At the very least.
Fourth, they aren’t being tactful about this. Or maybe the tact got lost when faced with the prospect of a private apartment in the city, with someone else doing most of the work needed to keep that apartment available to them on a moment’s notice. And who will be paying the costs of keeping that apartment available? Perhaps a sit down session to clarify EXACTLY what they want and what their deal-breakers are. Because their expectations may well have changed once they got a better look at what might be available for the price point.
/rant over
I had no idea I’d misunderstood the deal so badly.
I want to cry
agreed, get lawyers
Definitely not overreacting, even the extra context in the comments. I agree with getting a contract drawn up. I’d say it’s not worth going forward but I know the place you’re in right now isn’t great (how many times have you been broken into?!) How do parents feel about your siblings making use of the space when they’re in town? It’s lovely they want to help you, but it sounds like they’re really hoping to help themselves just as much.
When the idea was first raised to me, it was framed as though other people might also use the suite, yeah.
That’s why I assumed it was “a guest suite” - available to be used at need - rather than just their suite specifically
No, I think that’s fair enough. Parents offer to help out with things then put the weirdest conditions on their help.
It sounds like they want a holiday home in the city but are taking the “cheap” option by helping you buy a place
I’m honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
“I’m in town for a thing, can I use your place?” is honestly a really sensible question.
I just…assumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was. A comfy chair and maybe a bookshelf for my National Geographics would have done, so the room wasn’t wasted space when I was the only one living there.
No. Parents don’t. I don’t and have never and never would.
talk, discuss, respect, compromise,
and when parents give something it is the children’s to do with as they wish
If the parents want a half share in an apartment they can use they should at minimum have it legal.
And why should Alamut have to pay rates, insurance and expenses on their room?
You’re one of the good parents then. I was facing similar restrictions when my dad helped me finance the car. He’d been doing too much YouTube research by what sounded like very bias channels and had very specific ideas on what sort of car he would like me to get
I really do try very hard to respect Miss Seagoon’s judgement and personal preferences. I am very much of the belief that everyone in a family is equal and has equal say. Might not have say so or responsibility but everyone counts.
For example, Miss Seagoon might not like a B’day present I got her. That’s fine. She can give it away to a friend who does like it. She has other gifts and I will get her another thing. It’s not a problem.
That’s good to hear. I can get a bit caught up on things like I don’t want to donate the kids’ toys I bought so soon because I’m the one that picked them out and paid for them, but I need to acknowledge they’ve often moved on from things
My heart sunk for you reading that. I obviously don’t know all the discussion you had about arrangements before you starting looking, but it seems like a massive assumption on their part that helping you get into home ownership entitles them to claim part of the space for themselves.
Going from a place that is 0% yours to one that is only 60% yours isn’t the point at all.
I knew from day one that the guest room would by primarily “for them”. I wouldn’t have my desk in there, for example, it would be a dedicated bedroom.
I didn’t realise that I wasn’t supposed to have ANYTHING of mine in there. I honestly just want a shelf for my National Geographics and a comfy chair. I just want it to be a room that still exists in my home
I don’t understand why they would want to erase you from that room
My stepmother is immunocompromised. A lot of her town visits are medical in nature.
I think she’s worried about me using “their bathroom” instead of “my bathroom” because it’s closer/getting budgie feathers all over it/etc. Not being able to guarantee it as an appropriate guest space when she’s here to see a doctor.
I think that’s a fair thing to take jnto account. It has to be somewhere she can feel safe and have some dignity when she’s ill. I fully agree that the guest suite isn’t a primary living space for me in the way that my own bedroom is. But because I know about the need for the medical stuff, I wouldn’t actually do any of the stuff she’s worrying about. It’s a guest space first.
I feel as though I should be able to store stuff in the wardrobe, or have some bookshelves in a corner, or hang one of my pictures above the bed, without making it any less welcoming for guests
You’re not overreacting.
Don’t have any advice but it sounds very controlling of them.
Nah you’re not overreacting. My friends, a couple, had a similar deal with their parents (his parents): they’ll chip in $1m, while my mates had the other $700k from their savings/first home buyer scheme, with the stipulation that the parents have a place to stay when they come over from Vietnam or Perth. Except, they didn’t force my mates to not use the space when the parents aren’t there.
What I’m pointing out is that you can be grateful for their help, and extremely disappointed and upset that they have this condition that wasn’t explained to you.
Honestly, idk what I’d do. Part of me would want to be like “well keep your money then” but also, in this housing market that’s a hard thing to do. Ugh. What a clusterfuck, I’m so sorry you’re in this position, I want to slap your parents (lightly, just a little bit).
It particularly stings because I’ve got stuff from their house in my bedroom (at MY place) right now. They’ve just moved, and I’m storing Dad’s big telescope for him. In my actual full-time bedroom There’s a cedarwood chest that’s mostly full of stuff that isn’t mine - the chest is, the contents are mostly not.
I do not mind this. I’m willing. I’m just…having some feelings that apparently this is different.
I’ve been frustrated the whole time that a lot of the apartments we’ve viewed that I like most aren’t going to work with my scooter because the lift is too small, or the front door to the building has steps, or there’s nowhere to put it that won’t be in the way - they’d be perfect for me if I could walk worth a damn, but accessibility comes ahead of “do I actually like it here”.
I don’t want “also a decent chunk of the place is off limits to me” to interfere with “do I like it here?” too.
I’m so sorry. Have a cry, try to treat yourself to some self care, I’m sending you my good vibes. If I could fix this for you, I would no lie 💜💜💜
for that amount of money it would take 1000 days minimum at a hotel to make it worthwhile
also, who is paying all the expenses like insurance, rates and upkeep, because that would be at least $25,000 a year. At least.
You aren’t overreacting. I can’t add much given the excellent comments and advice you’ve already received here. My immediate worry was the costs, like the owners fees and whatnot. Are you expected to pay 100% of those? Pretty outrageous of your Olds actually, if that’s the case. Also, regarding the whole “why would you need to go in there” question: even empty unused rooms need to be cleaned regularly. Dust, mould and pests can still accumulate if places are closed up. They need a dust, vacuum and open curtains and windows to freshen the place up even if they’re not in use. Do your folks expect it to be sealed like a tomb? Seems a bit silly. What if “their” bathroom has a leak? Or the roof leaks?
I am, yeah, because all going to plan I get the whole apartment when they die.
Trouble is I have to live in it now
No, you are not over reacting at all. Can you ditch the spare room and car park to get your own place?
I can’t afford it without their help.
I’m renting a two bedroom place now, and the second room is my workspace. I’m already giving up the idea of a separate office (I’ll have to have the desk in my living space) in anywhere I buy.
Assuming your parents names aren’t going on the title and it’s purely yours just agree agree agree then change the locks and let them use the spare room like you were always planning?
not over reacting
in such a small home you should be using all of it
when guests come over you are converting your space into guest space
also, bedrooms are small now adays
This is a terrible idea. You’re going to need to find a way to do this without letting them get their claws into you in any way. Do not accept any money. Do not ever call any room Theirs. And do not let them have a key. Your sanity depends on it.
I’m honestly on board with hosting people at need. I have a brother interstate, I have a sister and her kids in Gippsland, my parents are in Mornington.
“I’m in town for a thing, can I use your place?” is honestly a really sensible question.
I just…assumed it would be somewhere that I got to use for something when no one else was.
Question.
Do they expect to just turn up unannounced anytime?
I would assume not - we’ve habitually extended some warning, but the warning may be short. Could be the day of, could be a day or two before.
For example, last time I hosted my Dad (I gave him my bedroom and slept on the living room floor on my yoga mat) I had about six hours or so warning.
Fed him that night, gave him somewhere to sleep, fed him the next day, it was fine. Not super comfortable, my floor is tiled, but it worked
I know it’ll pass, but I’m getting that lonely post breakup feeling. I need to find some stuff to do.
The music and lyrics for the industrial album is completed. Now just need to record the vocals.
Once it’s done I can put it up looking for a band.
Ooh keen to hear it :)
this is wonderful and very exciting
Streamed again. I’ll still do so but I think my focus for the moment will be on creating shorts. I’ve even recorded regular gameplay so I can record bits over the top. Instead of trying to edit down a stream or having funny insight whilst playing at the same time I can piece them together in post
Funnily, I started watching some creators play games, purely because the shorts the made were funny. So I think you’re on the right track, like a short is a bit like a trailer imo
That’s the hook and why I think YouTube especially pushes shorts from streams. It’s like a promise of what’s in the hours long streams
nail art for Spring
Used Sally Hansen 255 Lips Tulips (the pink) and 159 Golden-I (gold line), and Revlons 010 Marigold Maven (yellow)
Didn’t think I’d like yellow nail polish but this one is so pretty 😍
I feel similarly about yellow. Only ever bought it for doing rainbows for the marriage equality referendum. That’s a very nice solid glossy one you have though.
::: his& hers nails
:::I love these!
Oooooooooo I like those! Bold and beautiful 😍
I have reservations about green, I haven’t seen a green I like but I do want one for my collection.
I have several greens, but do tend to lean towards jade green. I have one highlighter green though which is fun.
fruit salad and a cup of green jasmine tea please
Beep Beep 🚚
🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋What food have you got for happiness?
🍰🍩☕️
Can I please have the opposite of a seafood smoothie?
🐖🐄🐓🐑
grinch vibes going on here
Seafood smoothie please chef
🦀🐙🦞🦐🦑🦪⚙️🥤
yummmmmm
Porridge. x
🌾🥛👾🥣
