I’ve had several trans women tell me it’s gender affirming to be harassed / belittled by men and I can’t decide if that’s a fetish or just a really fucked up toxic coping mechanism (or toxically coping by developing a fetish?).
Having been born female a lot of the things my trans girl friends report as being gender affirming actually have very little to do with the lived experience of being female that I’ve shared with my non trans female fiends. Like one friend told me it’s not gender affirming even just to shave, she MUST be lasered hairless at all times and like. It’s wild to me that feminism came so far just to have transgirls get stuck back in the 50s somehow. I guess maybe they have to start over from the beginning idk. Or maybe it’s gotten so tied up in fetishism due to wider societal stigmas that even they themselves struggle to separate the two.
Idk but in the end it’s super uncomfortable to be told that a negative thing that has pervaded my life, threatened my physical safety, and limited my opportunities for social and professional advancement since birth is “gender affirming.” Like one friend literally told me word-for-word “I want to be afraid to go out alone at night.” It’s pretty disrespectful / insulting actually, and I could not get her to understand that.
Hi, trans girl here. I’ve made a handful of jokes about how being belittled or harassed by men is gender affirming in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s something that I seek out or something that I enjoy outside of the affirmation. It’s something that cis women also experience, and that makes me feel affirmed in my gender, but I’d definitely prefer if it didn’t happen at all.
On the topic of hair stuff, you’re projecting your own experiences onto others there a lot. I find a greater sense of euphoria from being completely hairless because it makes me feel more feminine than just shaving, especially because hair comes back so fast from just a shave. There’s a factor of overcorrection as you mentioned, perhaps, where people choose to express their gender in some extreme ways, but that’s a choice that each person gets to make and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. There’s a massive difference between society pressuring every woman into being completely hairless and someone deciding personally to do laser hair removal because they find that feeling affirming. In no way is this meant to imply that cis women are in any way less valid in their experiences than trans women, and I fully support the right of everyone to choose how they express themselves. I love it when cis women decide to go against societal gender norms and show off muscles or body hair, but that’s not something that I want to do as I associate those feelings with my life pre-transition and masculinity which brings about feelings of dysphoria.
As for the feeling afraid to go out alone at night and limited social opportunities, I can’t imagine that being a completely serious comment. Obviously the fact that women are mistreated in society sucks, a lot. I don’t think any of those comments were meant to belittle the struggles of any women ever. However, experiencing those same difficulties as a trans woman means that society at large essentially views you as a woman in every context, not just in ways that benefit you. It’s a sort of social side effect of transitioning. Its not a goal, but it is a side effect that affirms your identity. It essentially equates to a desire to pass at all times rather than just when “girlmoding” or whatever, which is very gender affirming even if it obviously sucks that all these challenges exist and society would be better if nobody had to experience any of them.
I can understand the confusion between gender affirmation and thinking these things are good experiences. Something can make you feel like a woman without being a good experience, and that can be difficult to understand for people who aren’t trans. I don’t want to belittle your experiences, say they’re not valid, or anything like that.
By the way, I don’t appreciate calling gender affirmation a fetish, that really rubs me the wrong way.
And secretly want to fuck them.
Apparently Louisiana and Mississippi are the epicenter of femboy thirst.
“content not viewable in your region”
Entirely unrelatedly, I think I’ve concluded that black men are also real women.
It gets hate, but I loved i Robot.
I liked it well enough! Bit much on the product placement, and no, it’s not much like the original books, but it hits on the murder mystery aspects of Asimov’s work.
slaps robot
How can she slap
