Hi, trans girl here. I’ve made a handful of jokes about how being belittled or harassed by men is gender affirming in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s something that I seek out or something that I enjoy outside of the affirmation. It’s something that cis women also experience, and that makes me feel affirmed in my gender, but I’d definitely prefer if it didn’t happen at all.
On the topic of hair stuff, you’re projecting your own experiences onto others there a lot. I find a greater sense of euphoria from being completely hairless because it makes me feel more feminine than just shaving, especially because hair comes back so fast from just a shave. There’s a factor of overcorrection as you mentioned, perhaps, where people choose to express their gender in some extreme ways, but that’s a choice that each person gets to make and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. There’s a massive difference between society pressuring every woman into being completely hairless and someone deciding personally to do laser hair removal because they find that feeling affirming. In no way is this meant to imply that cis women are in any way less valid in their experiences than trans women, and I fully support the right of everyone to choose how they express themselves. I love it when cis women decide to go against societal gender norms and show off muscles or body hair, but that’s not something that I want to do as I associate those feelings with my life pre-transition and masculinity which brings about feelings of dysphoria.
As for the feeling afraid to go out alone at night and limited social opportunities, I can’t imagine that being a completely serious comment. Obviously the fact that women are mistreated in society sucks, a lot. I don’t think any of those comments were meant to belittle the struggles of any women ever. However, experiencing those same difficulties as a trans woman means that society at large essentially views you as a woman in every context, not just in ways that benefit you. It’s a sort of social side effect of transitioning. Its not a goal, but it is a side effect that affirms your identity. It essentially equates to a desire to pass at all times rather than just when “girlmoding” or whatever, which is very gender affirming even if it obviously sucks that all these challenges exist and society would be better if nobody had to experience any of them.
I can understand the confusion between gender affirmation and thinking these things are good experiences. Something can make you feel like a woman without being a good experience, and that can be difficult to understand for people who aren’t trans. I don’t want to belittle your experiences, say they’re not valid, or anything like that.
By the way, I don’t appreciate calling gender affirmation a fetish, that really rubs me the wrong way.
Hi, trans girl here. I’ve made a handful of jokes about how being belittled or harassed by men is gender affirming in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s something that I seek out or something that I enjoy outside of the affirmation. It’s something that cis women also experience, and that makes me feel affirmed in my gender, but I’d definitely prefer if it didn’t happen at all.
On the topic of hair stuff, you’re projecting your own experiences onto others there a lot. I find a greater sense of euphoria from being completely hairless because it makes me feel more feminine than just shaving, especially because hair comes back so fast from just a shave. There’s a factor of overcorrection as you mentioned, perhaps, where people choose to express their gender in some extreme ways, but that’s a choice that each person gets to make and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that. There’s a massive difference between society pressuring every woman into being completely hairless and someone deciding personally to do laser hair removal because they find that feeling affirming. In no way is this meant to imply that cis women are in any way less valid in their experiences than trans women, and I fully support the right of everyone to choose how they express themselves. I love it when cis women decide to go against societal gender norms and show off muscles or body hair, but that’s not something that I want to do as I associate those feelings with my life pre-transition and masculinity which brings about feelings of dysphoria.
As for the feeling afraid to go out alone at night and limited social opportunities, I can’t imagine that being a completely serious comment. Obviously the fact that women are mistreated in society sucks, a lot. I don’t think any of those comments were meant to belittle the struggles of any women ever. However, experiencing those same difficulties as a trans woman means that society at large essentially views you as a woman in every context, not just in ways that benefit you. It’s a sort of social side effect of transitioning. Its not a goal, but it is a side effect that affirms your identity. It essentially equates to a desire to pass at all times rather than just when “girlmoding” or whatever, which is very gender affirming even if it obviously sucks that all these challenges exist and society would be better if nobody had to experience any of them.
I can understand the confusion between gender affirmation and thinking these things are good experiences. Something can make you feel like a woman without being a good experience, and that can be difficult to understand for people who aren’t trans. I don’t want to belittle your experiences, say they’re not valid, or anything like that.
By the way, I don’t appreciate calling gender affirmation a fetish, that really rubs me the wrong way.