I like to think that when I’m old enough I will heed any advice that I should stop driving, if I haven’t already voluntary realised it myself. But, with the number of cases I hear of elderly people believing they are fine to drive when they are clearly not, I wonder if some kind of self awareness problem happens in old age? Yes some are narcissists but they can’t all be, can they? Will my brain become selfish and dumb when I’m old? I really really hope not. I don’t want to be that person. Anyway, hope the vicroads testing sorts out the MIL and gets her off the road. Safer for everyone.
Imo half the problem is that driving is so damn convenient - and it’s been sold as ‘freedom’ for many decades now. Getting your licence and a car was/is a rite of passage that says you’re an adult now. Some of the rage is having to admit to oneself that you’re losing your independence, that you need help, that you are becoming a helpless child again. Even when this is true, it hurts damnably.
And there’s another level of pain when you’ve been the caregiver, the provider, the one that controls access to the outside world via a car.
And a car offers comfortable, private, weatherproof transport that just can’t happen on public transport of any sort. You can dress comfortably with less reference to the outside world as you’re less exposed to the weather. And there’s the ability to carry heavy/bulky stuff over quite long distances - far further than you can haul in a shopping cart of some sort on the bus. When there is a bus. If the bus stop/train station has a seat and is rain/sun proof (and not all of them are). Giving up all those benefits AND your independence … no, the rage is quite understandable imo. Doesn’t make it right to keep driving tho. And the risk to other road users just keeps on growing.
I’ve never understood the urge to retire to the country/beach - far from services, shops and health care. Where driving is essential for life. You really do have to come to terms with the knowledge that eventually you’re going to need a GP or an Aldi within walking distance or spend the bulk of your retirement income on taxis or equivalent.
Against all suggestions from fam she chose to live in an area that is far from services and shopping and medical , plus it’s an ugly house that is hard to maintain.
She is angry when others choose better/wisely for themselves, even if it costs the same.
I do not understand. Maybe she thinks she is more powerful if she sets herself up as a “victim” that demands help.
There are definitely awareness problems with age, especially with dementia. There’s even a word for it, anosognosia. It’s one reason a lot of people’s plans for old age don’t work out, they assume they will have the capacity to recognise when they need to make changes, whether that be stopping driving, not climbing ladders or going into aged care. And because our society values being able to make your own choices we allow people to cause a lot of damage to themselves and others before we allow anyone else to step in and start making decision.
Some people of course do use denial as a coping strategy through their whole lives, and that can also be a cause of refusing to admit being unable to do things. It doesn’t help that our society sees aging as a bad thing and has a lot of prejudice against the elderly, people would not feel as much need to deny their own aging if it was seen as a more positive thing.
I like to think that when I’m old enough I will heed any advice that I should stop driving, if I haven’t already voluntary realised it myself. But, with the number of cases I hear of elderly people believing they are fine to drive when they are clearly not, I wonder if some kind of self awareness problem happens in old age? Yes some are narcissists but they can’t all be, can they? Will my brain become selfish and dumb when I’m old? I really really hope not. I don’t want to be that person. Anyway, hope the vicroads testing sorts out the MIL and gets her off the road. Safer for everyone.
Imo half the problem is that driving is so damn convenient - and it’s been sold as ‘freedom’ for many decades now. Getting your licence and a car was/is a rite of passage that says you’re an adult now. Some of the rage is having to admit to oneself that you’re losing your independence, that you need help, that you are becoming a helpless child again. Even when this is true, it hurts damnably.
And there’s another level of pain when you’ve been the caregiver, the provider, the one that controls access to the outside world via a car.
And a car offers comfortable, private, weatherproof transport that just can’t happen on public transport of any sort. You can dress comfortably with less reference to the outside world as you’re less exposed to the weather. And there’s the ability to carry heavy/bulky stuff over quite long distances - far further than you can haul in a shopping cart of some sort on the bus. When there is a bus. If the bus stop/train station has a seat and is rain/sun proof (and not all of them are). Giving up all those benefits AND your independence … no, the rage is quite understandable imo. Doesn’t make it right to keep driving tho. And the risk to other road users just keeps on growing.
I’ve never understood the urge to retire to the country/beach - far from services, shops and health care. Where driving is essential for life. You really do have to come to terms with the knowledge that eventually you’re going to need a GP or an Aldi within walking distance or spend the bulk of your retirement income on taxis or equivalent.
This is the big issue with her.
Against all suggestions from fam she chose to live in an area that is far from services and shopping and medical , plus it’s an ugly house that is hard to maintain.
She is angry when others choose better/wisely for themselves, even if it costs the same.
I do not understand. Maybe she thinks she is more powerful if she sets herself up as a “victim” that demands help.
There are definitely awareness problems with age, especially with dementia. There’s even a word for it, anosognosia. It’s one reason a lot of people’s plans for old age don’t work out, they assume they will have the capacity to recognise when they need to make changes, whether that be stopping driving, not climbing ladders or going into aged care. And because our society values being able to make your own choices we allow people to cause a lot of damage to themselves and others before we allow anyone else to step in and start making decision.
Some people of course do use denial as a coping strategy through their whole lives, and that can also be a cause of refusing to admit being unable to do things. It doesn’t help that our society sees aging as a bad thing and has a lot of prejudice against the elderly, people would not feel as much need to deny their own aging if it was seen as a more positive thing.