Dog breed!

You should talk in a happy, but slow voice, and walk/move in slow motion. And get your room mate to do it too.

Hhhhheeeyyyyy bbbbbuuuuudddddyyyyy. Yyyooouuuuu wwwaaaannnnnaaaa ggggooooo ffffoooorrrrr aaaaa wwwaaaallllkkkk?

That’s not how that phrase works.

This is the third story I’ve seen today that was basically “Tiktok users flee service to other chinese service app you’ve never heard of”

So basically the usa banned tiktok, and now there’s 3 other tiktoks, all connecting the same amount of data for china, just through 3 different services instead of 1.

We have very different dating apps.

I get “I hate these apps. I don’t know what to say.”

And thats their whole bio, with like 20 bikini photos. And then I skip, because yeah, you look pretty and all, but I’m lonely and want to talk and talk and talk, and you apperently have the conversatiomal value of a fish.

Or the other apps the women all want to travel. I just want to find an evil woman, who wants to stay home, tie me up, tickle me, and ignore any pleas to stop. Then, it’s my turn to tie her up, and be evil!

What? Did you think I was calling all women evil? Pssshhh! I wish! How hott would THAT be???

“I would never join a club that would allow someone like me as a member.”

Well…start video taping your family meals. Then it’ll be on camera.

This is like some futurama shit. The orgin stories of Slurm.

Snex? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

Because trump survived.

You remember John Wilks Booth, and Lee Harvey Oswald. But nobody remembers the guy who shot reagan.

Hey!!! Whoa!!! That’s not fair at all!

…you forgot about that guy on the roof in PA who missed by inches.

But I got you this burger king onion ring!

See, a skywriter is a guy who gets paid to write messages in the sky with a plane’s exaust. It’s not so much a thing anymore, but it used to be the type of thing you’d see in movies.

So this guy does that, on a beach, and proposes to his girlfriend. Meanwhile the other 4 couples can also see the message on account of how skies work. But those other 4 guys had no intention of proposing that day. So now they’re on a beach, their girlfriends are excited for something that isn’t coming, meanwhile the couple in yhe middle IS having a proposal.

That headline legit sounds like the plot for some kids book.

I still maintain that I absolutely know what I’m doing, and I’m awesome for it. It’s this world that says I’ll get diabetes, and other health issues if I do a handstand hovering over a display of upward pointed sharp knives, eating a bowl of doreoittos as a cereal with no milk.

What? You never heard of doreoittos? It’s when you twist open an oreo, so it’s now two halfs of an oreo. Then you put dorittos in the middle, and then reassemble the cookie.

My mom had a tuxedo cat named Sammy. I was 17 and a pothead. I came home from McDonalds. I had like 80 chicken nuggets in my bag. And Shrek was on tv as I smoked a bowl. So I thought it was funny to say “HEY!!! HEY DONKEY!!! DONKEY!!! HEY DONKEY!!!”

And my cat was like MEOW? So I said HEY! DONKEY!!! DONKEY!! HEY! HEY DONKEY DONKEY DONKEY!!!"

And she said “MEOW???”

So then years later I was in my 20s with my own tuxedo cat named Karmalee. And Karmalee liked when evil thing happened. So I said to her in a devil voice “HEY KARMALEE!!! I’M GOING TO CONJUR UP THE SPIRITS OF MALEBOLGIA TO SPREAD EVIL AND DARKNESS ACROSS THE LANDS AS WE SPILL THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!!!”

And she went face down, ass up, tail straight up, and did that thing when cats are in heat where their tails wiggle and their meow is more like meheheheheheheow!!!

She did that.

My point is, I too can tell long winded, entertaining, but ultimately pointless stories about cats that go nowhere.

Would you like to hear about Karmalees frenemy Speed?

“BAAAHHH!!! YOU’RE CENSORING MY HATE SPEECH, RACIST SLURS AND DEATH THREATS!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

That CANNOT be the arguement you stand behind.

See, what I’M hearing is that united for years denied people health care that they NEEDED. Then their CEO gets capped, and now all the sudden united is like “Whaaaaat??? We would NEVER do something that put patients lives at risk…wasn’t us! We’re being good boys now.”

Which tells me that Luigi had a direct impact. Before these CEOs were like “I do what I want!!!” And with no consequences, they did what they want.

NOW these CEOs are like "HOLY FUCK!!! THESE GUYS ARE BRINGING CONSEQUENCES!!! COOL THE HEAT!!! COOL THE HEAT!!!

And now they’re rethinking their ways. Not stopping mind you, but trying to appear less like something the devil running a company would do.

So thank you Luigi. Somewhere out there in the world right now is someone getting their care approved, whereas without you, it would have been denied.

If I could, I’d like to ask these groups one simple question.

Why hate? Tell me what it is that makes you see another group of people with a different lifestyle or background, or culture, or anything else that you’re not a part of, and you default to hating that group.

I’ve never understood that concept. I can understand hating individuals, because those individuals are assholes. I have plenty of people throughout my life where I’ll say “Ugh, Gary is an asshole!”. But I don’t sit here and say “THOSE people are assholes!”

Because it’s perfectly fine to judge people. It’s actually important to judge people. But you can’t judge whole groups as one. It doesn’t work. Because EVERY group has good and bad. That’s just the nature of humans. So if you judge a whole group as one, you’re missing the point of judging. To judge someone is to analize their traits as a person. If you try to do that with a group, there’s too much variation to come to any conclusion, and at that point it’s not fair judgement, it’s just hate.

Which brings us back to “Why hate?”

And I want anyone from these groups who are transphobic, or maybe other groups that are racist, or maybe other groups that are hateful towards any gender, I want them to explain their hate. I want them to lay out their logic.

Because I assume they’ll spew out some hateful statement like “They’re always doing this and this”. And I would challenge them on that.

“When did they do this and this?”

Or maybe they’d say “Because they have menal illness!” And I’d say “So you hate people with mental illness? If someone in your family develops dementia, you’ll hate them too?”

Every sentence they take I’d challenge them to make a logical explaination of it. Because I don’t think they can. And 9/10 of them I don’t think will change. However, I think you’ll get some people who realize “Wait…am I wrong? Am I being an asshole? Oh my god I’M the asshole here!”

Hey! Whoa! That’s NOT true!

I lost my whole mind, and I STILL agree! It’s so obvious, even an idiot like me can see.