we can even acknowledge that a lot of men have raped people without knowing it
I wouldn’t go as far as to call them rapists because that was not their intention
I see what you’re getting at, but I really wouldn’t use that word in any context where there might have been, for example, any power dynamic or some form of coercion. I believe that keeping it reserved for situations where violence or significant coercion are involved is better for everyone, especially the victims.
Doesn’t mean using mild coercion/emotional blackmail/pestering/shaming/… is okay behaviour, not at all, it’s just that saying no/leaving won’t usually do much beyond change the relationship between the people involved. Talking about that is fine, good and needed, using “rape” to describe it will probably shut down any conversation before it can even begin, though.
I’d also argue that that sort of behaviour is something both men and women engage in, maybe in different ways but, well, the expectation on men is to always be sexually available, so it sometimes becomes an issue when they are not. Mutual respect and understanding really are the most important things in a relationship, both participants are fully realized human beings, not just “the girlfriend/wife” or “the boyfriend/husband”. But people seem to forget that sometimes and I don’t know what can be done about that.
I completely agree, while rape is technically what happens in those situations, the word seems to hold more weight than the action (in those specific situations where it’s more a result of clumsy socialization and lack of communication).
Like, by the very semantic technical definition, I’ve been raped, but since there was no power dynamic and since there was no malicious intent, I do not call it that because it doesn’t feel accurate. I am not traumatized.
I’d say the best way to move forward is to socialize children with the understanding of what consent is, and raising them with the autonomy we expect for ourselves. Basically if we want children to grow up with empathy and respecting the autonomy of others, we need to treat them with empathy and respect their autonomy.
Basically how can we expect people to follow rules like “get consent before doing anything” if we don’t have a consensus on what “consent” is?
I see what you’re getting at, but I really wouldn’t use that word in any context where there might have been, for example, any power dynamic or some form of coercion. I believe that keeping it reserved for situations where violence or significant coercion are involved is better for everyone, especially the victims.
Doesn’t mean using mild coercion/emotional blackmail/pestering/shaming/… is okay behaviour, not at all, it’s just that saying no/leaving won’t usually do much beyond change the relationship between the people involved. Talking about that is fine, good and needed, using “rape” to describe it will probably shut down any conversation before it can even begin, though.
I’d also argue that that sort of behaviour is something both men and women engage in, maybe in different ways but, well, the expectation on men is to always be sexually available, so it sometimes becomes an issue when they are not. Mutual respect and understanding really are the most important things in a relationship, both participants are fully realized human beings, not just “the girlfriend/wife” or “the boyfriend/husband”. But people seem to forget that sometimes and I don’t know what can be done about that.
I completely agree, while rape is technically what happens in those situations, the word seems to hold more weight than the action (in those specific situations where it’s more a result of clumsy socialization and lack of communication).
Like, by the very semantic technical definition, I’ve been raped, but since there was no power dynamic and since there was no malicious intent, I do not call it that because it doesn’t feel accurate. I am not traumatized.
I’d say the best way to move forward is to socialize children with the understanding of what consent is, and raising them with the autonomy we expect for ourselves. Basically if we want children to grow up with empathy and respecting the autonomy of others, we need to treat them with empathy and respect their autonomy.
Basically how can we expect people to follow rules like “get consent before doing anything” if we don’t have a consensus on what “consent” is?