Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path? Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you’d like!
The bigoted version of me from 10 years ago would be shocked to know he is queer and a socialist.
Edit: he would probably also be shocked about the autism
closet case me would have his mind blown to know that there are classically beautiful men that are into average looking chubby bears; i regret not enjoying myself in my 20’s every time i get to envy all the 20 somethings enjoying themselves to their fullest at the clubs.
at least it’s fun to enjoy it vicariously as i watch them have fun. lol
I have some friends who never ended coming out. I mean, they told me they were gay, but they tucked that shit so far back it was in Narnia. I once seen Luenell say something like “It don’t matter what you look like honey, as long as you can make them laugh!” But really there’s all kinds and I have always felt in this world - as long as all individuals are down with the tango - let it rip! Don’t agree with the chase though, that’s just creepy. Let it go~~~~ (By that I mean one-sided interests)
You know one thing I can tell you is that I came up in the gay clubs and it was fun and cool and a certain way but I don’t really know how wholesome it was. And I remember always talking to folks and telling them that I just wanted to create a space that was healthier for young queers to traverse that didn’t have to just be at night (and I guess bookstores?)
But I think while everyone kinda lacks third-spaces now - that queers have a pretty accessible support network online. And some in person, depending on how they assemble. But either way, I think there’s a lot more you can do than get wasted and mack on someone nowadays, and that’s pretty cool. Cause it leads to healthier relationships with self and others I think.
One thing though, I will say you gusy can go to gay bars. Like actual bars, not clubs. If you’re into that kind of thing. Cause men of all age ranges hang out at those. But it’s also kinda a scene, you know? I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men. So I love hanging with my guys. Big hug to ya sweet bear <3~
I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men.
a group of lesbians came into the club i was at sunday and you could feel the disappointment oozing from them once they realized the kind of club it was; they were clearly dressed for dancing but the only booty shaking that happens there is of the prurient kind. lol
it seems to happens at least once a night and i think it shows the distance between the 2 groups but i’m glad they weren’t a gaggle of straight women this time; whenever they show up, they like to dominate the space to get between the men having fun and that makes everyone else leave.
Oh yo! You do club down, cool! Hahaha. Yeah I was like plenty of time to catch up if you’re down. Hahahaha! Gay men have robust club lives, I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives. Idk why the hell women gotta go at it like we’re cats and dogs. Gay men are a blast, and I’ve had a great queer life along side of them. Yooooo, but legitimately I was doing this whole Stonewall thing this one go-round and laughed cause it was the same story. You had like that one dyke to eight gay men. Would crack me up. Hahaha! Those ladies could have been chill and etched out a space for themselves cause legitimately gay men do not care if you join the party. And I’ve run through the gamut. You just chill, laugh and love. (God that sounds like eat, drink, love or whatever but seriously I’ve had a blast going through the gay scene of America =P!) Plus, if you’ve got a vagina you don’t get roofied. So that’s pretty cool.
Oh but true story I think the statistics for queer people are actually pretty interesting. Idk if you ever looked into them, and there’s still a lot of speculation surrounding them. But it’s really crazy how everything lines up. And if you give it a think you’ll be like - damn this really reflects the scene I’ve seen.
Also straight women are/were(?) horny for gay men. I think it’s cute. I think it’s probably a lot less nowadays, but hot damn when I was out gay men were like candy to them. Hahahaha! I think because they get to hang out with guys, but have fun in a less-gender coded way. Shrugs~ Idk they were kicking folks out basically, but I mean that’s so…life. Right? Cause every time you get a niche vibe going, the “normies” (some folks hate this shit and it is biased so whateverrrrrrr - you get all the spaces, give us some!) come through and change it all. I’ve lost a couple cities in my lifetime to that shit, and I just feel so let down by how things have changed in that way.
Ooo, since I have you here. Let’s talk cruising! Cause I brought it up recently and I thought about it (also joined with the statistics things). Don’t you think it’s fucking bananas that people in this day and age are still living those double-lives? Like, can’t we just let it go and let people just be? Is it cause they want the “best” of both worlds? I never could figure it out, but I thought maybe it’s cause of something like that. Give me your two cents if you’ve got it. I know you came out later in life, and idk where you life so maybe you’ve got a different feel for the whole thing. Let me know though~
I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives.
rotflmao
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO btw, I seen you’re brown-town. Heyyyy =D~!!! I saw the POC lemmy the other day and was like IN to it! Good stuff on there. I was happy it existed and of the stuff it had. Even if there are (now) six people there =)! Whatsup my brother <3~!!! Indigie too (HI) =P~!!!
what’s POC lemmy?
Hey, we recruit!
Lmao same
I have much less wonder now, and it is ruining my day to day enjoyment at times. It is hard to dream big when you know more about the world, and how corrupt it all can be. They call it depression, but when reasons are provided for lack of opportunities it’s seen as downright shameful to be upset about it.
I miss the times when I was more naive about the world, it made it all interesting.
I just had my first child and discovering the world with him has really been eye-opening to the “small things” again.
Reminds me of the events that transpired over the last half a decade or so.
Over the last several years my mental state was deteriorating. Stress accumulated. Various stuff, employment, overworked, underpaid. Inability to afford housing. Covid. War overseas. Had a mental breakdown at some point. Ended up on meds and in therapy. After multiple sessions was informed by my psychologist that “the reactions you’re exhibiting are normal for a person that has experienced all the items and stress associated with all we discussed up to now, unfortunately I cannot help you as the response is perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with you”
I still don’t know how I feel about that specific statement after several thousand dollars of therapy, but I guess it’s better than assuming my depression isn’t “good enough” to be real depression.
There’s a good chance the world should be ashamed to be in the state that it’s in, not for you to be ashamed that you finally see it as it is.
You might like this hidden brain on languishing and how if unadressed it can turn into other mental health issues. But basically the concept is you’ve got everything you need - yet you still feel this uneasiness inside your being. Your call, but it was an interesting listen. *It is tied to an author who just published a book just a heads up.
I had a listen, thank you.
Unfortunately it does not resonate with me since the issues I faced… or rather still currently facing, are basic things that are missing, for example not having a safe space or being able to afford a place to call my own in which I could even think to begin to thrive. It’s not that the shrink didn’t see my problem, it’s that he understood that most of these are socially engineered problems, that given proper legislation from the government for social services and habitat and controlling/reigning in the rampant runoff capitalism that we’re experiencing would alleviate or resolve, and unfortunately he, being a medical professional, is not able to assist with that. He validated that I was indeed exhibiting symptoms of severe depression from these items and did the best he could, but even today, the situation stays much unchanged in most of those items. And no, I don’t have much hope for anything to change in the future, despite all the social movements we’re seeing pop up.
I’d love to be proven wrong.
Hey thanks for giving a listen. I thought it was a interesting thing to hear. Cause you see, one of my lovelies just had a babe. She’s setup, I’m happy. Life is good, or not. Cause like legit she’s going through it. But I also have a friend, brilliant buddy, actuary (so he makes that $$) but he sort of always feels this low-grade depression haunting him. He figures it’s just life. These kinds of things make me think. And make me think this guy, maybe he’s on to something. Just it’s nice to have a sit and think about stuff you know?
The only thing that helps me exist in the space you’re talking about is two things. a) Letting go of what I cannot change. Because I cannot do a damn thing about a majority of the crap going on in the world. And the crap that is affecting my life directly. Like you said, it’s a rigged thing. You just don’t have much agency over these kinds of things and we’re all setup in different ways even from before birth. Which is naners when you think about it. Your shrink sounds like he is a realist, but it also sounds like he didn’t do much to help you big-picture. Just confirm your feelings. Which I mean, that’s big because when you spend your whole life thinking “am I crazy or…?” that shit wears on you. But also, I can say from my (piddly but very meaningful) experience with my shrink that I can ramble (and can’t I?) and rattle off all the shit oozing from my brain. But then she kinda like gathers it and helps me sort it out. And then she like, helps me not feel so shitty about it all by offering an alternative (not correct, not happier, not better) perspective and lets me have a think on it. And if I dig it, I take it. And if I don’t, I let it go. And it kinda helps because we’re very similar people as far as I know. And I am so thankful she’s in my life. But legit I found her on Open Path and went through scores of people (just tabbing through) until I found someone who resonated with me. Which has sorta been the thing that has worked for me as a whole in my life. I head on through life, and the people who resonate with me tend to be the people who help me grow. So like, maybe you just haven’t found your right fit yet?
But all shit aside, you’re not alone in a lot of these things. And finding ways to mitigate the pain, while not adding to it long term (like addiction) is super good. If you’ve got even a 4x6 space you can carve out consider popping some hitt into your life. It helps with a lot of things, but first and foremost it’ll slow your brain down a bit. And then maybe spend some time refinding yourself. Figure out what you like, what you don’t. If you don’t like anything right now - maybe find something you could like or reembrace something you used to like. And if you’ve got even one human being you can talk to regularly (and I am talking like guy at the gas-station, online, childhood homie) just keep doing that. Cause they will help pull you through this.
Just work little by little. I bet you there’s a sea of people on here who will tell you they didn’t think their lives would get any better than they did. I felt like I lost it all at one point in my life. But you just put together the pieces little by little and you come out stronger for it in the end. It feels like shit the whole way, but it’s way better being emotionally on top, than being drowned on the underside. You just gotta find the path that works for you to that point. And you’ve gotta know that you aren’t the only person feeling this way. And of course there’s a million ways you can go about it. But yet again, try to go the healthiest because it’s easy to keep smashing yourself to pieces instead of grabbing the glue. Gl =/
I understand you’re coming from a good place and I appreciate that but it seems I might’ve given the wrong impression, so let me clarify as a wrap up to this thread.
I am employed full time, making decent amount of money as far as the average pay in the country is concerned. Work conditions are decent.
I do have a place to rent but it goes up in price every year with no justifications and no work being done to correct or address a lot of the issues it exhibits, including but not limited to the ever growing heat problem (much hotter indoors), electrical issues, bathroom mold and deteriorating cracks in the walls/stairs to name a few. Fighting this is futile or lengthy and costly, something my wallet and my mental state cannot afford. The alternative is either let it be or move to a different place, similar circumstances or slightly improved, but with a much higher cost associated.
I also exercise every other day and while it definitely has its merits, it’s also rough to convince myself to do it every time. I think I missed a total of 4 days of exercise so far this year. Discipline wise, I feel that’s alright.
I agree that the shrink is not a one-doc-fits-all and it’s important to find the one that resonates with you, I also feel bouncing off ideas from people outside of your comfort zone is important as it provides a wider perspective on things which you may not have considered otherwise.
While he did not do much, he did confirm the diagnosis of a severe depression and has helped enough for me to conclude that I’m not insane, and similar to millions of others, just a victim of circumstances and consequences of social and economic policies that push this burning bus downhill ever faster.
Most of the items I experience are not a matter of perspective, it’s a matter of fact, global warming, unaffordability of housing, stagnant wages, anti consumer practices just to name a few
Ultimately, my point is that I don’t want to mitigate the pain, I want to not have to deal with it in the first place.
Just because I can keep fighting and reassemble the pieces again and again, doesn’t mean I want to. Repairing the cracks doesn’t make you stronger no matter what people say, the glue only helps so much and there is always a toll paid when reassembling broken stuff. I understand when people want to compare it to the Japanese art of repairing stuff with gold but it’s never that nice, you don’t come out stronger in the end, you come out assembled in whatever configuration allows you to survive and with less energy for the next run, but with more disdain for having to do it again.
And again.
And again after that.
To summarize: I’m just tired.
I figured you were probably employed, just living in a space of paycheck to paycheck and feeling exhausted from drowning in a system that takes so much and never seems to give you what you need to ride the wave instead of fighting it. Rent is a brutal tunt, and it showed me how many people in positions of power are secretly conservative scum. Because people kept warning “Biden” that if he does x -> rents were going to soar. And rents have jumped up at an insane rate. Forcing a lot of people who were otherwise living independantly to move back in with their folks. But what happens when you don’t have that kind of safety net?
And yeah, I once talked about how rentals are a crapshoot because your land appreciates regardless. So you don’t do a damn thing to fix it. And most people who are renting can’t do a thing about it. Even with organizations formed to assist them. I also think all new housing has become an amorphous blob of greige. Where they justify the rent by the “luxury” facelift they did on a crumbling mold-infested apartment. It’s a frustrating state. But I really don’t know what I can do about it, other than hold an opinion that it’s bunk af.
I only said working out, because it helps with depression. But if you’re hitting it, you’re hitting it. I just was pulling stuff out of the aether because I know it’s stuff that has helped me. If it helps you at all - I just grabbed a bunch of resources and drew up a handful of workouts I can follow. So that I can do what I want to do. Idk if it’s the right thing, but it gets me to do them. So eh, it’s alright with me =)
I mean, I am a big talker and a big lover of people. And I agree with you. I stated here somewhere that I actually do have my own issues with people who would be considered “snowflakes” or “sjws” because some of them are just as angry and one-sided as the opposite side of the coin. And in general, while I can’t say I hate extremist (because I am one, as in - I am a very extreme person as a whole) I do hate people who seem either a) 2D or b) unwilling to communicate with others. But in a healing sense, I have spent my entire life being “the other,” “different,” and “weird” and it’s very nice to be able to communicate with someone who listens to the brain-soup I’ve got going on up there and commincates with me on what I’ve got to say while being very objective. Because it helps me see things in a different way and lets’ me smooth out some of the wrinkles. The reason why I love my therapist so much is because she knows how to communicate what I need to hear, while not making me feel awful for how I am feeling or what I’ve said. And I think that really helps when you’re speaking from a super vulnerable space. But maybe it’s not for everyone? It works for me. And to be honest, it’s why I suggested it for you. Because I have known a couple of people who have gone to therapist - get the “answer” they wanted to hear and then disappear. But I think it’s more of a contignous thing personally. Especially when you’re as hurt as you seem to be.
Also, if you keep going to shrinks you might be able to get on disability if you need it. Because I read depression is the main reason why people are on it. And it sounds like it’s something you keep coming back to. I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything. I just wanted to say you could validly, if you needed to, make steps towards leaving the rat race. But also there are like…other gigs you could consider. You might need a career change? I’m not saying go back to school, but maybe work for a cause that you believe in. These jobs are harder to find, but they are out there.
I hear you on repairing the cracks. I once talked about how a guy I heard on Rumblestrip Vermont described a broken heart as something that keeps getting smashed up until all you’ve got is fine powder. In general, it sounds like you had certain expectations from life and they didn’t line-up. Cause I found in my life, the biggest disappointments come from misaligned expectations vs reality. But yet again, I’m just talking from my end. And that ultimately it could be very different for you.
Kintsugi =)! Hahaha! I only smile because I am part-Japanese and I grew up looking at one of those vases during my childhood. I hear what you’re saying. My health took a huge spiral (I’ve actually got a doc appointment I’ve gotta leave for in 20) and it fucked me up. I was a really industrious person, and everything slowed to a trickle. And in that trickle, there was only pain. I really felt cheated, and angry. And hopless. I was so fucking mad, I was too young. That’s how I saw it. Too young to be hurting like this. But now I’m working together with my medical team, and the loving support of the people in my life and I am optimistic about things. But I don’t think I will ever go back to who I was. And that’s a falsehood, I don’t think it’s solid thinking in general. And I was feeding myself that and making myself sick with this pain that if I couldn’t go back to the way things were - why fight at all? And I totally have childhood trauma that has fucked certain ways that I get to experience/interact with the world. And I don’t think anything really will go through and fix that. And I think a part of accepting that helps me just be…me. And yeah, restarting takes a lot of energy and it sucks every time you’ve gotta muster it especially as you get older.
BUT! I still think that the whole it’s worth the venture. And I didn’t always think this way, but that’s yet again why I was talking about shrinks. Because I think finding the right shrink helps unravel all the rest. Because she got me to move forward in a way that I was unwilling to at the time because I couldn’t see outside of what I was feeling immediately. And it was exhaustion and pain.
If you wanna keep talking though, I am here. And I hope you find what you need ultimately to feel better. Even if it’s just a bunch of menial things.
Arnold H. Glasow basically covered this indirectly when he said “the fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.”
I must be the biggest idiot on Earth =P!
Have you ever thought about sparking your creativity? Idk if you like anything, but Lynda Barry’s Syllabus is kind of a fever dream but I really dig it. But I mean, just finding a way to get some of that energy out might help?
But yeah, everything sucks. Idk what the fuck is going on with anything anymore but it all sucks. I had to make a PieFed account to turn off the piles and piles of awful bullshit you can do absolutely zilch about. So I get this stuff, the art, the science news - all super! And someitmes I hop over to the other side and I am regretting it abotu three seconds later.
And I could do news if things were so cyclical, half the stuff wasn’t ads for people/things, and there was something I could actually do other than feel fucking horrible over what I am reading. And I know knowledge is power and ignorance is a privledge but hot damn - what am I going to do about even one freakin’ piece of news I read on this site? Like, what are others doing?
Eh.
Big hugs, you got this. Just keep going, and maybe life will send you roses. Or even if it doesn’t, maybe find joy in the small stuff? Eh.
Early 40s with 2 active kids under 9. Nothing works any more, constantly exhausted. 20 year old me had no idea.
Aww man, I’d be six feet under. Ugh. Not saying kill yourself, just saying I feel your exhaustion coming through the screen. On the plus side, you are explicitly forming the hope of the future. And that’s pretty cool. And when they’re grown, and hopefully they’re doing well - I really hope you feel pride through all the pain and exhaustion. Cause you did something/and are doing something phenomenal. I hope you’ve got some solid support?
FIX IT!
In my 20s I got really optimistic about aging. See I was unschooled and never really had any life outside my home life, which wasn’t great. Didn’t get a high school diploma and starting my first job felt impossible.
Soon I made a group of friends, I discovered art, and I felt like I was capable of learning and growing and having a fulfilling life. I actually looked forward to being 30 because I thought I’d have matured a lot and learned how to live.
30 now. My friends were toxic. I lost my passion for art. I can’t find any work outside of retail and I can’t get an education because I’m so busy making ends meet. I feel like I’ve regressed into the worst version of my shut-in child self. I work and I get what sleep I can and I have no relationships.
I really hope this is part of the process.
You’re going to be okay. It might fucking suck right now, but you’ll be okay. I am not sure if it is still around, but there is a thing tied to everyone’s social security that can give you a free-education under x-amount of dollars ($30k?) training underutilized individuals w/ higher education and the trades. You could be a CNA if you’ve got the openess to it, you can do CNC training, you can do radiology tech stuff, dog grooming. You could do workforce at a local college. Maybe get a cert in wastewater which pays well. Or idk, robotics. It’s factory work, but it also pays well. It’s kinda like CNC from what I hear. You can do some freecodecamp.org on the low or Odin Project if you’ve got the time. I think following a class would be a lot safer, because you are kind of forced to a rythm over self-study. I wish I had more, but I know this much! Oh phlebotomy as well, you can study that. An ex of mine was fucked and then studied medical billing. They followed jobs across the US (recruiters) and ended up super wealthy. So that’s pretty cool.
For some people it’s really clear what they want and where they’re going. And for others it shifts. It sounds like you knew what you wanted, and then realized it wasn’t working. You can give up on art, but you know…you can find others to make art with who are fuck-faces. I have found sharing the joy of creativity sparks more. I’m making an equisite corpse with someone right now, but if you wanna make one too - I’d totally be down. Whatever medium, I don’t care. Just let me know.
I’m around =)
Friendships can be just as hard as relationships. It’s kinda like how people get married without being prepared to commit and invest. Same with friendships.
Are you radically different than your younger self?
Oh yes. Younger me was an intolerable little shit.
Are there key elements that have stayed the same? > Most parts?
Lots of stuff. Getting older is mostly additive, hobby wise. I’m just worse at all the physical aspects of each hobby.
Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path?
I had a pretty clear plan and stuck to it. Make the pretty beep beep computer box dance, and charge people money for doing so.
Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow?
Definitely separate chapters. 0-2: Literally full of shit. 2-22: Full of shit, because I didn’t know any better. 22-32: Full of shit, but working on improving. 32-42: Getting my shit together. 42-62: Still full of shit, after all that effort. 62-Dead: Probably still full of shit, honestly. Hopefully in a fun way, by now.
Oh this was fun. I think I was laughing through the whole lot. Hahahaha! You’re funny! Beep-boopers of a certain era are goofs, idk if it’s some intelligence -> wit type thing or what? Either way, keep kicking until you’re not. Sounds like you’re a goodun’!
p.s. - I like your talk about hobbies growing, but skill lessening. I love drawing, but it’s gotten harder for me cause sometimes I have MIckey Mouse gloves for hands. But I still love the act, so you know - even getting scratch down makes me =)
I’m at 35, still full of shit, but indeed getting it sorted out and pulling my shit together is a theme since last couple of years.
I also make computers do beep boop :). Wish you many good years before you <3
Most tastes and values stay the same. I feel less emotional intensity and motivation for everything though, for better or worse.
Mentally, learning is harder, thinking is slower.
Physically I will get sore more and more easily if I don’t stretch and exercise, but by the same token I am in a better state of fitness than ten years ago.
They always played up that anyone can learn anything at any age but it really does get harder as you get older. I’m not sure if it’s because of obligations, the juices slowing down (less plasticity), or just having less of a feel for it. Kudos for the fitness and cheers!
As I’ve watched the continued and utter destruction of our natural habitat, the increased pollution and started reading up on climate changes effects and Limits to Growth I realised I didn’t want to be part of what was happenig and wanted to distance myself as much as possible from the people who were. Being surrounded by people and things that make you sick in the mind and body is not what I wanted. It did take a near death experience to catalyse the thoughts into actions though.
I had a change of life about 25 years ago, am now 57. I quit my job, my wife at the time didn’t want to take that journey with me, so got divorced. Now have a parter who does, live frugally (which I always mostly have, just back then I had lots of surplus income I invested, now only a little surplus income from said investments) and am debt free in a little cottage in a small town. A few missteps along the way, as I am not the all seeing eye.
Looking back my regret was not doing it sooner, never been brave I guess ?
Interesting segue, my next door neighbour is a recently retired crane operator who installed windfarms with mega cranes and before that was a lawyer and before that emigrated from another country.
I am so freakin’ unbelievably thankful to be with someone who didn’t start from a place of minimalism but ultimately arrived here. Because it just makes life so much easier. You don’t buy a bunch of junk. You don’t consume a bunch of junk. And simple comforts reign supreme. I am glad you guys are happy and you’re living simply. I am not sure what big picture will happen with us. By that I mean, I don’t know where we’re going to go or how we’re going to live. But I think a lot of stuff is up in the air for most. Glad you guys got to escape the rat race though.
As someone who just came out of a long term relationship, I don’t know how you can have an interesting life and survive the emotional scars.
I can understand why people trundle through life without, settling for compromise after compromise until your mind is depleted to the point of stable glue. It just hurts less.
Your pfp 👌🏻
Early 40’s and often get mistaken for early 30’s. I think I’m doing pretty okay on the aging front. Having a daily skin care regimen from a young age works wonders.
The hair’s starting to gray though, so we’ll see how long it lasts.
t e l l . u s . y o u r . s s s s e c r e t s s s s
I work out six days a week and I moisturize twice a day, after I shower and before bed.
That’s it. Easy.
what workout do you do, high intensity stuff, cardio or more low key stuff? Do you use a single cream for your whole body, or seperate stuff for body and face?
I do cardio six days a week (treadmill or recumbent bike depending on my mood). I lift five days a week, alternating upper and lower body day-to-day. (so three upper body a week and two lower body) Observing your rest days is important and will actually aid in muscle growth and help you maintain a younger appearance.
I have body lotion for the neck down. I use separate face and eye creams, one set for daytime and one for night time.
I thank yee sir
Sure thing!
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Big hugs =(!
While I don’t have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don’t know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I’m sorry it sucks so much. I hear it’s worth it big picture =)
I have an amazing wife and we share responsibility for our two kids. My 3y old sleeps well for the most part and our 1y old will get there, too.
Hey, that’s pretty cool. I am not sure at what age things get better but at least you’ll be out of the woods at some point? Do your kids share a room? Cause I was the oldest, but nightmares would always lead to us calming each other down and I was happy to be in close proximity when I was younger. It kinda helped in a “pack-mentality” sort of way. Cause no boogieman would dare take multiple children, but alone? You’re dead!
I hope you guys have your ways to find rest =)
Yeah I got old man’s habits after having no energy for the same reason as you. Save that sweet energy whenever you can.
Same
=(!
Chances are you would have been a worse parent 10 years earlier; full of energy, but not enough experience to know how to parent well, and perhaps harboring a secret resentment for crushed dreams.
10 years later, those dreams are already achieved/crushed and those kids are the next big project in your life that you can pay full attention to. When you’re caffeinated, of course.
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At the end of my 20s I can feel that I’m becoming stupider. Reading texts or just thinking about a problem take more effort than they used to.
I know I keep saying dumb shit all over the joint but like…uh…you ever think that maybe you’ve got an undiagnosed mental condition that’s messing with you? Or that maybe you’re not eating well enough? (I only say this because the Brain-Gut connetion) Or just like…idk, not giving yourself enough time to decompress? Cause legitimately you might be exhasuted, you might be depressed, you might be malnurished, you might be ADHD, you might just need to run. I mean could be anything, but if you feel like you’re losing iq you might be suffering from brain-fog or something like that. Idk, I’m not a doctor. I’m just saying like…there might be something to it, you know?
The undiagnosed mental condition could be it tbh. I found it hard to learn anything I didn’t find really interesting (among other things). Boom, ADHD diagnosis in my thirties
Am I radically different than my younger self? Hmm, I’ve become truer to my younger self than I ever was in my early-mid twenties.
I grew my hair back out when it started thinning because I had it grown out when I was a teenager. I only ever cut it short to please others. I figured If I was gonna go bald, I’d enjoy what’s left while I had it.
My politics moved left from the neoliberal views I used to hold once I realized how entrenched financial interests were responsible for almost every longterm societal problem. I figure If I become A full blown tankie by the time I’m 72, I will have done something right.
I have always been a staunch atheist but I have recently discovered the peace associated with spirituality like that proposed by Sam Harris. Philosophy has become much more important to me in general. I’ve always wanted to volunteer in my community and now I do
I realized that sometimes life won’t let you follow the road map no matter how badly you want it. -All I can do is try not to stress too much over it. I’m In the latter half of my 30s now.
Yo, can you explain this tankie thing? Cause I seen people being grumpy as fudge about it on here. And I was like - what? Is? A? Tankie? YO!? And then I tried to look it up and was further confused and said I just don’t think I get the internet. I’m gunna chill for the rest of today. And so, I did =P!
I too enjoy a cup of spirituality. I was going to church for a spin or three (I used to go to a temple but I don’t have one around) but I have such utter grumpy feels about finding that someone might have diddled a skittle that I dropped it all for now. I figured I’d just keep going in my own way. Philosophy is a blast, I was practicing stocism for a while because I am an extremist. But then looked at Putin, figured he’s probably the most stoic human being alive and decided to drop it.
I’m glad you got into the volunteer scene =)
Same age homie-g! Sounds like we’re walking some similar brain-goo =)!
There’s a chance I may regret posting this but a “Tankie” is a militant communist, one that still approves of the Governments of China, Russia, and possibly the DPRK even though hardly anything about those countries today resemble the Communism Marx, Engels, and even Lenin once wrote about. The term is often considered pejorative.
I feel like I’ve been hit by a couple of SUV’s and only barely able to claim to be in my 30’s. A few years ago I had an xray done and was in a room waiting for a doctor. This random guy walked in and asked my name, age, and if I had just had my scapula xrayed. He said He had to double check that nothing had been mixed up because my bones looked like someone in their 80’s… Maybe avoid actually getting hit by those SUV’s. My folks are in their mid to upper sixties, but I’m still the slower crochety one, unless I’m on a bike. For all you mid to old farts, there is a reason so many of us are on bikes. It may seem impossible, hell, I can barely sit up or walk, but it is amazing how bad of shape a person can be in and still ride a bike when it is properly setup and fit to the person. Without riding I fall apart both physically and mentally.
In other news, I expected the logarithm of day length verses lifespan to level out so that days seemed like a stable unit of mental measure, but the slowdown never happened and a day is an impossibly short amount of time.
That’s fucking miserable. Jesus christ? Genetics!?!? Idk. I mean what do you even do in this situation? I know they fix that shoulder joint. But idk if they fix that back part. But Jesus! I can’t see your name when replying but you wouldn’t magically happen to be that person that I talked to in the dancing molecules article chit-chat? Cause if you are, and you’re still lined up for surgery god bless. If not, and there is some kinda treatment I hope somebody’s got your back and you’ve got a little time you can point towards that. Ooph. This hurt to read.
Thanks
WOAH! You are the person? My guy, you were on my mind the other day because I literally was told by my doctor that they might have to go forward with an operation and I was like “I guess it’s you and me both brother” and sent some mental sorrows your way. Hahahaha! God, I hope that operation goes well. It sounds like it’ll be okay, I mean it sounds awful, but it also sounds like you’ve got a clear path to being maybe 60 or even 40 instead of 80. Just hot damn! Big hugs =X!
Age of empires
Addiction issues, I see =P!
I’m only 24 yet can see by now where the crochetiness comes from.
I feel like the world has gotten way faster than it was when I was 24. Idk if I could say the same about the gen above me because Gen X was freakin’ bonkers. But for sure it feels faster. I’d be in the same boat.
A fun-tastic little shit blow-up I had two seconds ago at a certain pizza human (*On here, not at some freakin’ service worker) showed me that even though I age I am still the same little shit throwing monkey. There’s a super indulgent breakup song called Keep Your Name where the singer points out that his ex was changing and he’s always just felt the same. To be honest, no matter what I’ve been through I always just seem to be the same. Same! Me - I don’t know if that means I have just an absolutely solid sense of self, I am a wretched asshole, or there’s just all types in this world. And yes, I understand that people change no matter what. That’s life, you will change as you grow. Things will be added, things will be taken, and some stuff transforms. But I have a habit of writing out lists of things that I want and the overarching themes and idealisms have always been the same. Even my diet, while shifting here and there - always seems to be based off the same set wants (I am a chronic veggie lover, it’s really a problem). I have always found this very funny as a whole, because I cannot stay static as a person. Not sure if you’re heard (or figured it out) but I am ADHD as fuck. And even medicated, I crave that sweet, sweet chaos of change. Yet I seem to be me -> being me -> being me -> being me. It boggles my mind. Shrugs?
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Hahahaha! My guy, I feel this so hard. Hahahaha! Aww man, I had this whole thing with my gal the other day. I was talking to her and I was like “Did you know spanking is abusive nowadays!?” And she was like, “It was abusive a bit before that.” And I was like “You mean, like the 00s? Like 20 years ago?” And she said “No, a bit longer than that.” And I was all like “REALLY!?” I mean idk, they spanked us all the time growing up. They’d be all like ‘get the belt’ and shit and then you had to go get the belt and…oh…! Okay, I see it now." And she was all like “exactly!” And then I went into this whole tangetal thing about switches and yada, yada. But anyways shit’s genetic right? I swear to god my father was ADHD because he had handwriting that looked like a crumpled towel. He always had to be “doing” something or “going” somewhere. And when that man was mad, hot damn you better get the fuck out of site. That man would throw punches, chairs or people - but something was getting tossed and we all made the rounds. We were getting checked on by CPS too, cause the school kept calling on us. But my dad could talk like liquid smoke. I mean that man was smooth. And he was personable and really got it on with most folks but us. So they’d come - do the dance (if we were around he would make us hide outta sight) and then leave and it was until next time.
My queer awakening was 10/10 my brilliant spark of joy. Cause I was out of the house (at 16) and I for sure as FUCK was living. Even if I was making BUNK. Even if I didn’t have SHITTTT - I had friends. I had poon. l had a gig that I could work. Life was good. I woulda gone to the military like you, cause I come from a military family. But legitimately Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was being plastered all over the joint and it just didn’t seem like a environment condusive to my being. I’m such a faggy flamingo and I laugh sometimes thinking about what all military service would have done to this little maggoty brain.
Sounds like whatever you did in the military worked well for you cause you landed with a structure, a partner, some friends (?), and the gi bill =P! Yo, you’re from MO? I seriously (seriously) know some of the sweetest folks from down there. I’ve got a lot of love for the Midwest as a whole, but hot damn there’s something about the location that can spark up some sweetness. I glossed over the dad stuff because I have had this kinda wonder how I’d feel when he dies kinda thing that floats by time to time. But ultimately we haven’t had a relationship in over twenty years. So I don’t really know or expect much. Eh!
It sounds like you did okay, even though it was a shit-sandwich the whole time.
I heard there’s a lot of burnout in tech around the 10 year mark. And I think that’s why a lot of people pivot from dev roles to management. Not that anything is easier, but I think you just get to use your brain a little less intensely. I also (although can’t prove it) think tech is becoming super ageist. Which is weird considering the more you’ve been around it the more you know? I think more so it’s because you don’t have to pay grunts nearly as much and the customers will buy/use what you’ve got even if it’s a taped together buggy mess.
You sound like you’ve been going through it again at the end there. Check out Open Path they might be able to cut you a deal. Look for someone who specializes in what you need - and you vibe with. Don’t get stuck with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe. I heard about this organization through milspouse and it might actually help you. I don’t think it hurts to reach out, and you might legit find a gig through it. I’ve also heard about this through milspouse too and while idk much about this one, you might actually be able to work for these guys though. Cause you’ve got gobs of experience and you probably know how to talk to people in a commanding way from what all I’ve read up there.
GL my dood! Keep your sparkle, keep going. Be careful if you’re dancing with the dark. Cause I heard men of your age and background can be of a certain risk to themselves. You know? So if you notice shit getting bad, find people you love and get them in your life yesterday. Okay?
Be well!
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Oh yeah for sure this stuff comes from intergenerational trauma. My grandfather (not by blood, but by upbringing) was a horrible wretched soul. My grandmother was a saint, and I’d pop anyone who says otherwise =P! (Okay that was a joke, I pass a fist) But legit I heard this man was some kinda monster and I honestly do not know how many people he’s hurt big picture but I do know that his ripples can be felt even after his death. And I talked about this once before but it was crazy how all roads led to “fag” and men weren’t allowed to be or do anything for generations based on those limitations. Things have kinda changed, but it’s still not there. Aww man, my dad had levels of rage. I am still terrified of that man to this day. Even though I know logically - what’s he gunna do? But I can still go back there. But I mean I think we can do that with all sorts of emotions and memories are just kinda like that - you can go back to what you remember. And yeah, same here - if he was mad at something else hot damn he’d take it out on us. Was a mess. I am glad you reconnected and got to a place where you could sorta heal that image in your head and gain some more closure. I hear that’s the upside of all the chaos, but I think in my case I’m just gunna let sleeping dogs lie. Cause I really don’t have much else I can do. And the few times I have tried to reconnect with him over the phone he started getting mad a couple minutes in. Which stinks because one of my sibbies kinda has that flamey temp too. And they’re both bigguns’ (and I am the size of a pinkie =P!)
Hahaha, nah man - that running beat (which most def had to be inspired by call and response negro spirituals) is solid. I picked it up right off the bat. One of the only military folks I know now - that’s their thing too. They got out and all they do is run, helps them feel connected to things. But I think they listen to electronic stuff, but it could follow a similar beat you know? Structure is almost impossible to follow to a T with ADHD. I cheat by changing things up just enough that it doesn’t drive me bonkers. A simple example would be like going one road over on your circuit next week to see different things. Helps keeps stuff interesting.
Being on-call is a poop. I think you’re supposed to get paid extra for that, and people are on some bs because they’re always trying to figure out how to weasel the most “productivity” out of someone while paying them the absolute least they can get away with. Legit, it sounds like you know what you want. And it sounds like you’ve got tons of passion and energy. I straight heave (on the low-low) heard of a lot of devs smashing dual-gigs and raking in the cash then investing that and getting out of the rat-race early.
That ADHD site could be money, bc legit if you’ve got it you know how it is when you’re out here trying to learn and stuff is all over the place. One thing I will warn though, is that it seems there’s two camps. I NEED MORE INFORMATION ALL THE TIME NOW, NOW, NOW and - I need this cleaned up and in tiny bites please. I’d look into the science of it all but I do know that there’s a huge issue transfering short term -> long term so clean information is really important. I was reading this site based off an article I can’t seem to find anymore (???) cause the post is gone. But the design was so choice on mobile because it was so clean and easy to read. And I always get so frustrated trying to read stuff outside of “reader” mode because most designs are too much. And it’s why I like PieFed cause it’s relatively (the threads are a bit smooshed together horizontally so I don’t always get it) easy to read. But ne ways, you’re gunna be fine one way or another. If you have too much trouble flex your military and coding experience and utilize it to get a gig. Cause sometimes you gotta use your edge to get ahead if the fish aren’t biting. And it’s pretty rough right now all things considered.
My guy, I hope you find your something. I can’t even imagine what life would be like riding high on testosterone. I’d probably smash every bone in my body at some point. I’m glad I am just impassioned and not blindly raging. Cause legitimately, things have for sure gotten crunchier out there and it takes some real strength to realize how unimportant so much of it is. Yo, you seem like a real character foreals. You ever think about getting in to some kinda martial arts? Cause one guy I met who was an old-dog former military type had those fabulous cauliflower ears (you know which ones I’m talking about) but he seemed calmer than anything. And maybe finding your way to something like that might legit connect you to that primal thing you liked about the military =)! Also the reason why I said what I said is because I know PTSD is a bitch and legitimately I’ve heard both young men and military men kill themselves are a higher rate than others and I just wanted to say keep yourself safe cause you seem like a good guy who’s going through it and I know when you’re going through it stuff can get cloudy.
I know you’re not old, hahahaha! But I also know you’re not a spring chicken =)! Always fun to talk to you, my brother hahahaha!
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Yoooasf;klahflkhfafksh!!! Legit like a freakin’ lightbulb here! I mean this might be absolutely bonkers but what if you could switch the way things are displayed like “light/dark” mode and create an accessibility revolution!? Then just code things to hide or show depending on what the individual selects. And you can set a default view in your profile? Idk, maybe that’s like trite, but I feel like if more sites offered cleaned up minimal views I would use them. That gucci mobile view is so choice. When I see a readable mobile site it’s like butter to my eyes because it’s so easy to read and I’ve got one of those Amoled screens (and a phone bigger than my hand =_o!) so it looks so slick!
10/10 you can get those grants. You can also get help building it if you need by checking out cool websites like this one that are run by exceptional human beings. But it’s also totally cool if that doesn’t sit well with you. And 100% learning things can be brutal because we both need an incredible amount of guidance but also the space to learn our own way. And I know my ass learns, thinks, communicates most def differently than others because <<<< Look at all this =P! I’m hyped for you though, seriously. You ever need someone to toss stuff around, I’m here =)!
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