They lost the plastic key that opens the tp holder?

“What’s the twist?”

“Good luck explaining all this to the IRS without going to prison.”

“…I’m fucked.”

For comparison, Peter Dinklage is 135cm, Joe C (hype man for Kid Rock) was 114cm, and Verne Troyer was 81cm.

No oil? No tacos? No point…

Out of tacos

There are two things in this world I can’t stand: people who are intolerant of other people’s cultures, and the Dutch.

• Nigel Powers

I totally didn’t see this somewhere and start writing it on the walls in middle school:

Those who write on shithouse walls

Roll their turds into little balls

Those who read these words of wit

Eat those little balls of shit

Erm, would someone mind explaining the joke for those of us who don’t read music?

I stuck my dick in crazy.

Life pro tip: don’t stick your dick in crazy. Just avoid crazy altogether.

In my defense, I was 20, she was the first person I ever had sex with, and I was too horribly depressed to recognize what a bad idea it was.

The Wire

The Sopranos

Deadwood

Justified

Bosch

If you’re open to comedic stuff:

What We Do In The Shadows

Resident Alien

Miracle Workers

Don’t rawdog a rando

Wearing a rubber every time unless you’re in a committed relationship greatly reduces your chances of an STD or an unwanted pregnancy.

Cheese pizza is probably one way to get yourself banned (at a minimum)

In my defense, I’m half asleep, and due to lack of caffeine, didn’t notice the bit about “which could actually happen in the next 5 years.”

So with that in mind, I’ll say something about environmentally friendly raw materials for super efficient battery storage.

Star Trek-style matter replicator/recycler. Just imagine being able to empty a garbage dumpster into a bin, shut the lid, press a button, and an hour later you get stacks of industrially useful metals & materials, bolts of cloth, and sacks of fertilizer.

Depending on the day, my favorite movie is either The Big Lebowski, Hot Fuzz, or Knives Out.

“You wouldn’t download a car, would you?”

“Nah, I’m too busy downloading cum.”

Late fall - gets cool enough at night that I sleep really well, without being so cold throughout the day that my toes get cold.

Depends on my mood. If I’m feeling good I’m usually pretty nice, but if I’m hangry then I get not-nice.

Taylor Swift. She’s cute I guess but her music is the audio equivalent of a lukewarm stale glass of milk.

Country Cathy?