I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail hopefully my gravestone says something like rest in peace and not something vulgar.

This episode did not make me want to walk on sunshine.

Although the movie where Lars takes care of Seymour kinda makes this ending a little more hollow.

You laugh, but my son did something similar. He said “daddy I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I can help you carry your groceries” and I said “son, you’re 38 years old, why the hell haven’t you moved out yet?”

He shouldn’t have gotten his dentures from Acme.

I once had a group chat that got leaked. There’s a possibility that it may have involved some light treason.

Mind your ps and qs. What are ps and qs?

The GameCube cases also came with a pizza roll holder but it was a little too small.

Sex: not getting any cause I was fired

Why was I born with eyes?

I learned about her from Double Dare.

That happened to me this morning. Lousy bladder.

Look, we all can’t get into Yal6, okay.

Baseball stadiums usually cut off alcohol sales after the 7th inning, which allows for fans to somewhat sober up before the end of the game.

We had these in school one year. Of course, it being school means that all of the games available were educational. The school actually let parents rent them for like a month at a time, which is something my parents did. Too bad we couldn’t keep it.

Even Cousin Bob’s funeral?

A soup place I go to started to charge $3 for its once free bread. When I asked about it, they said “no soup for you!” and “come back one year!”. Then they took away my soup. At least I got my money back.

As an American, I had to work out the Roman Numerals the only way I know how: using Super Bowls. So the 1st Super Bowl is Super Bowl I (Packers over Chiefs), the 2nd Super Bowl is Super Bowl II (Packers over Raiders), and the 50th Super Bowl is Super Bowl 50 (Broncos over Panthers). Putting this together I get:

I II II 50

I’m at a loss as to what it could mean.

How many consoles look like toilets?

But how else am I supposed to find out that my car warranty expired?

I don’t have to get in the forever box because I’m Homer Simp-