Mr. Jesus is getting Lemon Pledge.

Walmart is your new mom now.

Marge Simpson in shambles.

0420 0069 1337 8008

Where do you even get these bumper stickers? Is there that much demand for them?

No officer, the tree jumped in my way, I swear!

The Atari Lynx had the graphics to blow the Game Boy out of the water. Unfortunately most of the games sucked so it died quickly.

Big if true

The rest of the day is going to stink regardless.

I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail hopefully my gravestone says something like rest in peace and not something vulgar.

This episode did not make me want to walk on sunshine.

Although the movie where Lars takes care of Seymour kinda makes this ending a little more hollow.

You laugh, but my son did something similar. He said “daddy I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I can help you carry your groceries” and I said “son, you’re 38 years old, why the hell haven’t you moved out yet?”

He shouldn’t have gotten his dentures from Acme.

I once had a group chat that got leaked. There’s a possibility that it may have involved some light treason.

Mind your ps and qs. What are ps and qs?

The GameCube cases also came with a pizza roll holder but it was a little too small.

Sex: not getting any cause I was fired

Why was I born with eyes?

I learned about her from Double Dare.

That happened to me this morning. Lousy bladder.