For years now whenever I submit bookings for potted plants/floral at work, there is an entry down toward the very bottom that reads “Flowering Planter 7in Ass” and it gets me every time.

Carbon nanotubes are real? I thought that shit was invented for upgrades and repairs in No Man’s Sky…

How are all these fucking idiots still confused that disliking the Israeli government has fuck all to do with disliking Jews? Do they know this, and just choose to make it about something more?

Looks like all that evil he put into the world finally paid off.

The other day I saw an older man wearing a MAGA hat riding around in the back of a convertible. Interestingly enough, I live in Canada.

It’s times like those that make me fantasize about having some kind of stealth paintball shooter or mustard launcher on the side of my vehicle.

The Latino community should start busting up piñatas of his image. Fill them with McDoubles.

Hate when that happens…

Timmy, go to your fuckin room…

I worry about those who are thicker than 7 inches. That might cause some Cloverfield Paradox shit, where your innards wind up fuzed with a door. Skinny folks only.

I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I go around kissing ants.

I feel like the days of pearl clutching over profanity are on their way out. There is always a time and a place for it, but I grew up hearing “fuck” come out of my drunken relatives every other word. My parents didn’t say it, and they didn’t let me say it, but the only real weight the word ever had was that it was cool and exclusive to adults.

One of the biggest culture shocks I had when moving from the US to Canada was how much more laid back everyone is up here over profanity in general. Almost everyone uses it, very few people (save for maybe the elderly) get uppity when they hear it, and I’ve heard it used freely on FM radio many times. I still think it’s trashy to fly a FUCK TRUDEAU flag or decal on your car for everyone to see, but nobodies up here clutching pearls. They just think you’re a dick.

Not sure why it’s still such a big deal in many parts of the US.

Wow, I better stop jerking it to Jasmine. 🤷

I’ve heard The Walking Dead comics are actually quite solid, and differ substantially from the TV series. I’d love to see a faithful animation adaptation done in comic-style art.

I try to, but I never actually reach unconsciousness until I inevitably get cold and pull the sheets or blanket over my body to some degree. I find that on particularly hot nights, it’s enough to drape a sheet over my waist, so long as my feet are outside.

He accomplished donating 1.5 billion dollars to causes and charities, and still got to live worry free for the rest of his life. I’d say at that point he shouldn’t be expected to live like a struggling laborer just to prove himself to unimpressed dickheads who don’t recognize a good thing.

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No! No, man! Shit no, man! I believe you’d get yer ass kicked rockin’ somethin like that, man…

I do, yes.

Keep buying iPhones. That’ll stick it to the man.