Imagining Jesus’s mother as a redhead just makes everything limp.

Wasting a perfectly good penguin what you should be roasting it.

How do you pay the doctors if the healthcare is free?

Checkmate communists.

Her tits look just like my sister’s.

You have visitors?

I use radio controlled pick axes and AI-powered ANFO.

What you don’t use a radio to mine with?

Pussy.

I can’t stand cupboard drawers or microwaves hanging open it would drive me nuts.

So you just leave it open when you’re not cooking?

Does it not have a light in it?

That’s the look of a man who’s minutes away from shoving that up his ass.

Is that from one of those New Jersey models?

One time I did MDMA in a retirement home and a couple ancient beings took advantage of me.

Watch it if you cut them they’ll make you cry.

I thought you’d never ask.

Aunt Edith’s cancer progressed and she passed, LOL.

After my room mates get stoned I sauté up some onions and garlic to get their hopes up then go out for dinner.

Do you think it’d get mad if you tried to fuck it?

That’s way more than three months salary though.

Shake it baby.