I have 12 years experience in IT. Help Desk Tier II, with some sysadmin duties because I earned the privileges and worked nights. The guy who worked nights to “mirror” me so I could have days off was not so trusted. Plus I WAS IT for a company at an MSP I worked for. Their director of the company I was sent on site to support, liked to think he was a techy. He liked flashy gadgets. Interesting ideas, not plans to execute, and no budgetary concerns it seemed - plus, I was getting contacted all hours - not sleeping because of it, developing anxiety attacks when ever my phone goes off (but if I don’t respond, the wife…)
Medical, Public Education, and world class hospitality expectations and training for any position, even though I was IT. They expected that if you were able to, you should be help pitch in for other departments that need assistance at their lowest level, so they could swap around people with ANY experience to tougher duties. For me, this often including the bag boys when we had large departure days, or busy mornings, and weekend often enough too, or just handling the flow of guests and directing traffic to big events. Also got to lead a few fire drills (and actual events, generally mixed chemicals on a rag that started to smoke) on the fly due to proximity, lol.
Loved that place, shame they shuttered when Covid hit, but no guests, no income, no paychecks.
Anyway, I’ve been looking for work in my new state since May 2024. Yes, it is now July 2025. I haven’t found work. I’ve applied in my field, I’ve over applied, under applied, and applied at anywhere that an employee says “I don’t know if we’re hiring, check the website” and had a position. Retail, warehouse, fast food shit, a pay check delivered on time, basically. If they’re available, I try to talk to hiring managers in person. All the old school and new school shit.
When younger, I ran hard lines at Walmart for years by myself due to under staffing. I could making hunting licenses, mix paint, run electronics (that was my department, there was a required 2 minimum people in the department at all times to reduce shrink (theft, mainly, though it was found that the A.Manager was stealing from the tills and fucking over others for it, half the department had been turned over because of this - did they get their jobs back, nooope) , but that wasn’t an option if you had a single bone in your body that had a bit of customer service in it as the only person representing all of hardlines) plus if you didn’t you’d get written up for not helping a customer. So essentially, help the customer or stay in the department? Write up, either way. Within Walmart, at least at the time, this took you out of the running for promotions, raises, transfers, etc for at least a year, and often BS like this was used to remove employees who deserved it no, wait, it was used to remove anyone who was a liability, including people who just read company policy on the intranet and mentioned things like the department of labor and violations thereof. Also was out in the auto shop for about a year. OSHA Violations everywhere, safety checks (like hydraulic lifts so they don’t fail and crush a person underneath) were pencil whipped and left undone and lacked any reasonable maintenance, the flooring surfaces were unsafe, as a section that should have been bolted down wasn’t, and resulted in a fall from upper bay, into lower bay, for one leg, at rapid speed.
So basically, not the grocery section. But I did some shit over there too, I just wouldn’t say I ran it by myself, lol.
I can work. I want to work. Fuck, I need the structure in my life at a bare minimum.
I’m fucking trying, employers aren’t.
Pay people a living fucking wage. Give bare minimum raises that keep up with inflation at the very fucking least, and benefits are great too.
Know what makes it really hard to be a function human being with BiPolar, ADHD, Epilepsy, and while never diagnosed, modern standards would indicate I’m on the autistic spectrum, not just “weird kid who misses social cues until he gets beat up, but there were a few special assholes who singled me out every year until I started breaking bones in bully’s faces.”
Lack of medication.
Lack of health care as a country.
Lack of a job for health benefits, plus no money coming in, means no healthcare under capitalism.
This makes it very difficult to do things like sleep normally, recall things, and I dunno, stay fucking conscious.
No, I’m not, nor have I ever been on disability. I WANT TO WORK.
I can’t even get calls back unless they’re scams from India.
Sorry, I can’t understand the “Female voiced” Steve who spoke more Hindi than English, and then just hung up on me when I asked any follow up questions. I’m not fluent in Hindi, but I picked up enough from the neighbors growing up. Couldn’t eat the food mostly (sensitive stomach since childhood, 5 bleeding ulcers in my stomach from stress as an adult, loved the culture.)
My wife is supporting us now, and she is working 12+hours a day often more than 7 days in a row for three companies. I appreciate it. I do, but we have a lot of issues going on in our marriage that need to be addressed. Sooner than later. And work is often an excuse to avoid the subject or spend time together. Yesterday she was supposed to be off, she accepted the on-call role,
We are not communicating well and sex has always been an issue, at least since “I do.” Like a switch flipped. I feel lied to, betrayed, and honestly scammed. Throw in her chronic drunkenness (passed out, pissing on furniture, etc) and yeah. She also has severe trauma from an ex in the form of 17 years of emotional abuse, and I suspect other forms, but she will only speak about it when intoxicated, and before she passes out she’s kinda in and out of reality, mixing dreams with our conversation. Not useful really, doesn’t remember most nights.
Then, hey, my best friend back home had a seizure. Alcohol withdrawl. Then his wife kicked him out, and is filing for divorce while he sits on an involuntary 72 hour hold for a suicide attempt. I’m still waiting to hear back from him when he’s released, like today. My wife, when sober, has a decent heart most of the time, she’s offered him space to dry out for a few days, and we’re in a dry county here. The nearest beer is an hour roundtrip away. Trust me, while the wife works, handle everything else I can, including enabling the drinking. She’s aware its gotta stop, but hey, her brother has been through rehab at least half a dozen times, lost at least 3 6 figure jobs for drinking on the job, to the point of needing to be hospitalized, so I’m not hopeful, though I’m trying to be supportive.
Living with alcoholics is fucking hard. Hell, that is a large impetus of why we left home for another state unknown, to get away from her brother we shared the house with.
Especially when you examine your own relationship with alcohol and decide to sober up. Its not benefiting me, a few beers leaves me puking nonstop for 2 days… yet I still keep getting tempted walking into the liquor store in another county when buying something for my wife because, well, I lost that battle today. Both with her, and then myself.
Sorry to all of you for ranting, but… I’m struggling bad, and I just need some structure and money coming in to see a doctor so I can be fucking normal at a bare minimum.
The worst part? Throw Kali on my laptop, throw on a local college hoodie, and look for vulnerabilities. Essentially hacking, illegally. I’ve been self-paced studying (no money) for years, with a focus on red teaming. So the skills are floating around in my head. MITM, sell CC info, etc. Ya know, to do things like eat and not sleep outdoors every night. Healthcare for conditions that were thrust upon me by birth, or from repeated head trauma, shouldn’t be a death knell in any country that actually care’s about it citizens - No Taxation Without Representation - we went to war, formed our own country, and fought off (at the time) a global military leader over that.
I sure as fuck don’t feel represented.
I feel like I’m on the verge of killing myself, or something else drastic like just disappear entirely, somewhere across the country, or better, outside of it. No contact, grab a burner phone for necessary job hunting, and go from there wherever I wind up. Or crime. There is always crime, I suppose.
Try to pivot to contract/consulting IT work, it’s more of a PITA because you have to take care of things like health insurance on your own, but it might be a tad easier to pick up work that way since companies are always more willing to drop a grand or 2 here and there over hiring someone that needs commitment, benefits, support, training etc.
I have 12 years experience in IT. Help Desk Tier II, with some sysadmin duties because I earned the privileges and worked nights. The guy who worked nights to “mirror” me so I could have days off was not so trusted. Plus I WAS IT for a company at an MSP I worked for. Their director of the company I was sent on site to support, liked to think he was a techy. He liked flashy gadgets. Interesting ideas, not plans to execute, and no budgetary concerns it seemed - plus, I was getting contacted all hours - not sleeping because of it, developing anxiety attacks when ever my phone goes off (but if I don’t respond, the wife…)
Medical, Public Education, and world class hospitality expectations and training for any position, even though I was IT. They expected that if you were able to, you should be help pitch in for other departments that need assistance at their lowest level, so they could swap around people with ANY experience to tougher duties. For me, this often including the bag boys when we had large departure days, or busy mornings, and weekend often enough too, or just handling the flow of guests and directing traffic to big events. Also got to lead a few fire drills (and actual events, generally mixed chemicals on a rag that started to smoke) on the fly due to proximity, lol.
Loved that place, shame they shuttered when Covid hit, but no guests, no income, no paychecks.
Anyway, I’ve been looking for work in my new state since May 2024. Yes, it is now July 2025. I haven’t found work. I’ve applied in my field, I’ve over applied, under applied, and applied at anywhere that an employee says “I don’t know if we’re hiring, check the website” and had a position. Retail, warehouse, fast food shit, a pay check delivered on time, basically. If they’re available, I try to talk to hiring managers in person. All the old school and new school shit.
When younger, I ran hard lines at Walmart for years by myself due to under staffing. I could making hunting licenses, mix paint, run electronics (that was my department, there was a required 2 minimum people in the department at all times to reduce shrink (theft, mainly, though it was found that the A.Manager was stealing from the tills and fucking over others for it, half the department had been turned over because of this - did they get their jobs back, nooope) , but that wasn’t an option if you had a single bone in your body that had a bit of customer service in it as the only person representing all of hardlines) plus if you didn’t you’d get written up for not helping a customer. So essentially, help the customer or stay in the department? Write up, either way. Within Walmart, at least at the time, this took you out of the running for promotions, raises, transfers, etc for at least a year, and often BS like this was used to remove employees who
deserved itno, wait, it was used to remove anyone who was a liability, including people who just read company policy on the intranet and mentioned things like the department of labor and violations thereof. Also was out in the auto shop for about a year. OSHA Violations everywhere, safety checks (like hydraulic lifts so they don’t fail and crush a person underneath) were pencil whipped and left undone and lacked any reasonable maintenance, the flooring surfaces were unsafe, as a section that should have been bolted down wasn’t, and resulted in a fall from upper bay, into lower bay, for one leg, at rapid speed.So basically, not the grocery section. But I did some shit over there too, I just wouldn’t say I ran it by myself, lol.
I can work. I want to work. Fuck, I need the structure in my life at a bare minimum.
I’m fucking trying, employers aren’t.
Pay people a living fucking wage. Give bare minimum raises that keep up with inflation at the very fucking least, and benefits are great too.
Know what makes it really hard to be a function human being with BiPolar, ADHD, Epilepsy, and while never diagnosed, modern standards would indicate I’m on the autistic spectrum, not just “weird kid who misses social cues until he gets beat up, but there were a few special assholes who singled me out every year until I started breaking bones in bully’s faces.”
Lack of medication.
Lack of health care as a country.
Lack of a job for health benefits, plus no money coming in, means no healthcare under capitalism.
This makes it very difficult to do things like sleep normally, recall things, and I dunno, stay fucking conscious.
No, I’m not, nor have I ever been on disability. I WANT TO WORK.
I can’t even get calls back unless they’re scams from India.
Sorry, I can’t understand the “Female voiced” Steve who spoke more Hindi than English, and then just hung up on me when I asked any follow up questions. I’m not fluent in Hindi, but I picked up enough from the neighbors growing up. Couldn’t eat the food mostly (sensitive stomach since childhood, 5 bleeding ulcers in my stomach from stress as an adult, loved the culture.)
My wife is supporting us now, and she is working 12+hours a day often more than 7 days in a row for three companies. I appreciate it. I do, but we have a lot of issues going on in our marriage that need to be addressed. Sooner than later. And work is often an excuse to avoid the subject or spend time together. Yesterday she was supposed to be off, she accepted the on-call role,
We are not communicating well and sex has always been an issue, at least since “I do.” Like a switch flipped. I feel lied to, betrayed, and honestly scammed. Throw in her chronic drunkenness (passed out, pissing on furniture, etc) and yeah. She also has severe trauma from an ex in the form of 17 years of emotional abuse, and I suspect other forms, but she will only speak about it when intoxicated, and before she passes out she’s kinda in and out of reality, mixing dreams with our conversation. Not useful really, doesn’t remember most nights.
Then, hey, my best friend back home had a seizure. Alcohol withdrawl. Then his wife kicked him out, and is filing for divorce while he sits on an involuntary 72 hour hold for a suicide attempt. I’m still waiting to hear back from him when he’s released, like today. My wife, when sober, has a decent heart most of the time, she’s offered him space to dry out for a few days, and we’re in a dry county here. The nearest beer is an hour roundtrip away. Trust me, while the wife works, handle everything else I can, including enabling the drinking. She’s aware its gotta stop, but hey, her brother has been through rehab at least half a dozen times, lost at least 3 6 figure jobs for drinking on the job, to the point of needing to be hospitalized, so I’m not hopeful, though I’m trying to be supportive.
Living with alcoholics is fucking hard. Hell, that is a large impetus of why we left home for another state unknown, to get away from her brother we shared the house with.
Especially when you examine your own relationship with alcohol and decide to sober up. Its not benefiting me, a few beers leaves me puking nonstop for 2 days… yet I still keep getting tempted walking into the liquor store in another county when buying something for my wife because, well, I lost that battle today. Both with her, and then myself.
Sorry to all of you for ranting, but… I’m struggling bad, and I just need some structure and money coming in to see a doctor so I can be fucking normal at a bare minimum.
The worst part? Throw Kali on my laptop, throw on a local college hoodie, and look for vulnerabilities. Essentially hacking, illegally. I’ve been self-paced studying (no money) for years, with a focus on red teaming. So the skills are floating around in my head. MITM, sell CC info, etc. Ya know, to do things like eat and not sleep outdoors every night. Healthcare for conditions that were thrust upon me by birth, or from repeated head trauma, shouldn’t be a death knell in any country that actually care’s about it citizens - No Taxation Without Representation - we went to war, formed our own country, and fought off (at the time) a global military leader over that.
I sure as fuck don’t feel represented.
I feel like I’m on the verge of killing myself, or something else drastic like just disappear entirely, somewhere across the country, or better, outside of it. No contact, grab a burner phone for necessary job hunting, and go from there wherever I wind up. Or crime. There is always crime, I suppose.
Try to pivot to contract/consulting IT work, it’s more of a PITA because you have to take care of things like health insurance on your own, but it might be a tad easier to pick up work that way since companies are always more willing to drop a grand or 2 here and there over hiring someone that needs commitment, benefits, support, training etc.