Men’s lack of deep, close friendships has been in the spotlight lately. A recent Pew Research Center study found that 54% of women say they turn to a friend for emotional support, but only 38% of men say they do. Essayist Sam Graham-Felsen and American Institute for Boys and Men CEO Richard Reeves join John Yang to discuss why some men seem to struggle with maintaining social connections.
I think there’s a core difference in “support” that they just started to touch on right at the end of the discussion. Support can take two forms:
The thesis here seems almost entirely focused on “words”. As in, “Men do not reach out for words of support as often as women”. I would agree. However, when the support needed is “actions” I know myself and men are quick to ask and quick to respond to others asking.
Also frequently while these acts of support are happening words of support are also exchanged. Only at the end of the article did they talk about a fitness group that turned into a community service organization. The actions of support are present here. So I’d argue that men in western society have a high ratio of actions but lower ratio of words of support.
For women reading, how does this compare with relationships you have with other women in friendships? How much is words vs actions?
I guess this is just a matter of opinion, but are any of those things “support”? Like, “I need help moving a couch” isn’t really the same as “I am having an existential crisis and I need help” is it?
I guess I do bond during the couch moving, somewhat?
I guess I define support as “help from others for things that are difficult or impossible for you to do alone”. I would possibly even argue that someone that takes time out of their life to physically come to you to help you move a couch is being more supportive than someone that is on the other end of a txt message telling you “that must really suck” when you open up about an emotional/relationship problem you’re having.
How would my mate help me with the existential crisis? He can help me moving a sofa, lend me money, help to fill the tax return etc.
By being supportive. Emotional support is, in fact, support.
“being supportive” meaning what, exactly? Doing what?
Talking to you. Empathizing with your situation. Validating you and making you feel heard. Offering company and distraction.
Like… are you seriously asking, or are you just trolling? This is like human connection 101.
I am seriously asking as I cannot comprehend what any of my friends would be able to do.
“validating, emphatising” - these are just words. You only described one action (“talking to you”) but I cannot imagine I would want that.
If you were to say that he could take me out to have multiple beers and do something stupid to take my mind away than yeah, I can see that although I am still unsure if I would have wanted that. Apart from this… I don’t belive there is any action /task he could do to help.