Physics.

Using a throwaway for this: I was beaten so badly by one of my abusers that my blood was splattered all over the living room wall and my shirt. This happened when I was 12, on Super Bowl Sunday, in the middle of the game. The abuser and I were arguing over something trivial when that thing attacked, and well 😞 The other adults in the room sided with the abuser and one of them made me change my bloody shirt so they could throw it away to hide the evidence. It was the moment when, as a kid, I realized I was truly alone and not wanted by anyone or anything, so I tried to kill myself a week later, on Valentine’s Day. I backed off at the last second. I doubt there’ll ever be a time I can talk or even think about it without feeling pain or hurt or wanting to cry.

I am not alone in the world anymore though, thankfully. Nowadays I have good friends in my life whom I can rely on for protection and help and whom I try to protect and help in kind. But that’ll always stick with me. The family you have in life is the one you build, not the group of people you’re born into.