But I don’t have any broken bones

Bin laden or Lin Biden?

Just try it!

You should send pics of your genitalia to your parents

I should have been an escalator repairman. Those guys look like they have job security.

“You might be [at your kid’s] soccer game, but you happen to look at a few emails,” Morris says. Maybe you’re chatting with your boss via text while waiting for an appointment, or tying up a few loose ends at work before you put the kids to bed. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a workaholic who lacks boundaries — rather, you find ways to combine your personal and professional duties that work for you, instead of being strict and inflexible with your time.

OK but Walmart retail staffers clock in and clock out with a time card, and require to be on site to fulfill their duties.

“If I never take a holiday, the tone that I set for everybody is, don’t take a holiday — you can’t do that. And I don’t think that that’s right,” says Morris. “As leaders, we have a responsibility to role model what we expect of others.”

Oh how generous of this person to take a vacation. Do they pay their Walmart retail staff to take a vacation too?

You have family, neighbors, people in the parking lot that you are obligated to share your wisdom with

It reminds me of when Amanda Bynes had her mental health episode and publicly was calling celebrities and many people “ugly”

Bring back cigarettes? Hell yeah!

the greeks are here

Good margaritas

I thought bubba was a horse

Great plan

Even though you figured it out, would you like some gifs and videos to make sure you figured it out correctly?

Hah! I, too, took two years of Spanish in college.

He hates Hillary so much because Bill married her.

If you have to ask, you’re probably gay