We got that one in Germany as well

Not attempting stand-up, too

Yeah, I can see our difference in how we defined what’s shoe-horned in. And I get that you’re not saying diversity in media is bad. However, respectfully, I don’t think your definition of shoe-horned makes a lot of sense if you think it through. Is the music shoe-horned in, because it’s not critical to the plot? You said yourself that adding information that isn’t critical to the plot is necessary or the movie will be bland. If it’s necessary to the movie, wouldn’t you agree that it is critical? It may not be for the plot, but it is for the movie. Movies aren’t just plot. A lot of great movies (Nomadland, Patterson, Dazed and Confused, Coffee and Cigarettes, The Straight Story, …) don’t have a lot of plot or tell a great story. Instead they focus on the characters and the mood.

I think your example with the “blond, blue eyed, straight white men” betrays your perspective. This isn’t describing the default human being. Most people on earth aren’t like that. But it is the de facto default in western media. Why is it that? Because for a long time it was white men who made the decisions. Now that it has become a norm, everything that deviates needs a justification. And that’s kinda fucked up, isn’t it?

So, I think the question isn’t, why don’t “normal” character traits get the same hate as “alternate” traits? The question is, who defines what is normal?

That’s kind of a weird argument. I always took “shoe-horned” to imply that it is pressed into something by force where it doesn’t quite fit. So, in my mind just because something is intentional doesn’t mean it is shoe-horned.

Creative works always come from the authors lived experiences. The reason why we often find representation of minorities missing in media, is because these minorities don’t get to work on them. If there would be more diverse teams working on something we would naturally see more of their diverse experiences represented.

However, for this to be the case a lot would have to change in our society. It is way easier to just keep things more or less as they were and let people without minority experiences write and add minority characters. These, in turn, feel off, feel shoe-horned in, because they aren’t based off of lived experiences. They are just there to check a box.

Conversely, the reason why it feels like we used to have better (though less) diverse representations in media is because these actually came from people who had these experiences.

I just realized I didn’t respond to your hearing issues: I generally don’t think that these would be a problem for learning martial arts. Of course it depends on your teachers teaching style, but generally they show you what to do and that is the most important part. They might have a metaphor or say for how long the next training sections go, but if you can read lips, you should be fine. The essential stuff you can only learn by watching and doing it yourself.

At first it’s hard to follow what’s being demonstrated, but you will get better at that fast. The beginning is always hard and you will feel like you’re slow and clumsy and stupid, because everybody else doesn’t seem to have trouble. That is completely normal and everybody there knows it, so don’t worry! As soon as you’ve had more practical experience your mirror-neurons will help you translate what you see into what you need to make your body do.

Also if you let your teachers and training partners know you’re hard of hearing, I’m sure they will be happy to accommodate. Everybody is there to improve and help others to improve as well. If they aren’t, that’s a huge red flag. Go find a better gym.

I trained Aikido for 10+ years, but that’s now also 10+ years ago. Aikido used to be pretty well regarded and was hyped for some years thanks to being featured in martial arts movies and Steven Seagal in particular. Unfortunately, with MMA fights becoming popular, people realized that a lot of “traditional” martial arts where more art than actual fighting. Over time Aikido became a laughing stock among martial arts enthusiasts. This process was again helped by Steven Seagal, who -as the defacto face of Aikido to the rest of the world outside japan- just got more and more ridiculous and heinous in his statements and actions.

This is all very unfortunate, because Aikido is a really fascinating and cool looking martial art. To this day a lot of the throws in action movies (for example in the John Wick franchise) are actual Aikido techniques. (Some traditional Ju-Juitsu practitioners might argue that it’s actually JJ, because Aikido has adopted a lot of techniques from JJ and Judo, but I would disagree, looking at the way they are applied. In the end that’s just a nerd argument either way.)

Aikido was developed by Morihei Ueshiba, a man with a fascinating history! It grew with his physical, spiritual and philosophical development from a straight forward, practical combat system (at the time called Aiki-Jutsu) into a non-violent, spiritual martial art (then called Aikido). One of the reasons there are very different kinds of Aikido practiced today, distinct in how violent and spiritual they are, is that their masters studied at different times under Ueshiba, who continually became softer and more spiritual with his age. However, although developed decidedly after the time of the Samurai in Japan a lot of the techniques still focus on disarming people carrying swords or reversely focus on attackers trying to prevent you from drawing your sword. This means most of the attacks trained in Aikido are people grabbing your wrist and then not letting go, which looks weird if there is no sword. This also limits the practicality. Towards the end of Ueshiba’s life his focus was not to teach a system to defend yourself anymore. His goal was to unite the world spiritually through Aikido, literally. He sent his top students out into the world often in countries, which languages they don’t even speak, to teach and spread Aikido. Not to gain money or fame, but genuinely to make the world a better place by helping people to spiritually grow through the practice of Aikido.

What and how Aikido is practiced varies depending on the style and your teacher. It goes the extreme from what is called practical Aikido, which is still dedicated to self-defense, to styles that are practiced solo in the form of Katas, resembling what you might see from Tai-Chi or Qui-Gong practitioners in the park. Generally, it is practiced in pairs with a so-called “cooperating” opponent (as opposed to an “resisting” opponent as would be usual for Ju-Juitsu). Actually, in Aikido we don’t speak of an opponent. There is only a “giving”/“throwing” and a “receiving”/“getting thrown” partner, because Aikido is supposed to be peaceful. I’ll still call it opponent or attacker here, though.

The central idea of Aikido is to embrace and merge the attackers energy with yours and then redirecting it without harming anyone, breaking only the attackers balance and/or throwing them. This is of course a very high-level goal. Basically you’re trying to skip all the nitty-gritty, violent, messy fighting (that Ueshiba did learn and teach extensively back in the day) and concentrate on the end goal of non-violently dissolving confrontations. Assuming that with enough training this goal can be reached, it means you will not be able to use most of what you practice in a real-life fight until you pretty much have “mastered Aikido”. Then you will, supposedly, be at such a level that you can defend any attack peacefully. Most Aikido practitioners are wise enough not to test this out, mostly because they prefer peace and harmony and aren’t training to prove anything. Most Aikidokas I know are training to better themselves, but there will always be exceptions. The teachers I’ve trained under did not make Aikido out to be about self-defense at all. When questioned by new students they usually say, that it might help you a little, but this is not what we train here.

Practicing Aikido will help you get in better shape, improve your health and especially your balance. Aikido practice will teach you how to properly roll and fall, which -at least where I live- will come in handy much more often than fighting skills. It is also a lot of fun to practice and it looks cool. Most schools will also train with wood swords (Aiki-ken) and short staffs (Aiki-bo). This all will be especially cool, if you’re into Japan, because Aikido is very much a traditional Japanese martial art, even though it is rather young, so we’re basically cosplaying as Samurai while training.

The best advice I can give you for selecting a martial art and gym is this:

• It is almost more important who you train with and under than what you are training. Try out every gym and see if you like the people and vibe there.
• Pick something that’s fun. Otherwise you will have trouble going regularly and making progress. If you don’t do it for fun, you will most likely quit the first time you encounter resistance or stop making fast progress
• Pick a gym that’s easy to get to, because having to travel a long time will make it harder to stick with it
• Prepare your training bag and put it besides your door so you just have to pick it up and go. This will make it much easier to go, when your motivation is low

Threads (1984) by Mick Jackson

Not sure who recommended it to me, but IMDB says its about “[t]he effects of a nuclear holocaust on the working class city of Sheffield, England and the eventual long-term effects of nuclear war on civilization.” Didn’t have a lot of motivation to seek it out, but it has great ratings. Top review says “Very few films have the ability to suck the life out of a viewer and leave them feeling drained and shaken in quite the same way that this does.” Yeah, so I’m not sure if I will ever be in the mood for that to be honest.

Second monitor and huge mousepad

Dark patterns are basically best practices at this point

There is already a bit of good advice what to do, here is what not to do: You already wrote that you don’t think you have what it takes for it, but I want to stress: Don’t try to make money as an online creator, on Etsy or similar. Basically everything popular with a low entry threshold is overcrowded and will only pay out if you put in massive amounts of time and effort AND are very lucky. GoFundMe is similar, it’s probably not worth the effort if you don’t already have a big reach or good hook.

You could try OnlyFans with a clever approach. Don’t go for the obvious. Think feet or worn underwear. Alternatively you can go donate blood and plasma in some places for money. You can sell your hair if you keep it in good condition. In general I’d say get scrappy: Food stamps, discounts, free wifi only, decrease your spending wherever you can. And keep looking for better jobs. There is always a better job somewhere.

When you’re living in a corporate hellscape you might as well be a survivalist. See how far you can take it. If you are dependent on your car for you job, maybe you need to move into your car and get rid of your apartment. Get a gym membership instead for showers. Research living on the street, frugality. There is a lot of valuable information online. You are not the only one going through this.

As for the mental part: Pretend you’re Mad Max. If your survival depends on it, you’re not far off. There is no shame to struggle in the this system. Concentrate on your survival. If you’re at the bottom, you can only go up.

Definitely worth it even without the community patches!

The first time I saw a bag like that, I was shocked as well. Seems like just the worst idea to use plastic to create tea bags. Turns out it is and they weren’t made out of plastic. It’s a starch based fiber that is biodegradable. I don’t think you could have plastic tea bags here in the EU in any case. I’d wager yours isn’t plastic either. Yeah, so you probably got mildly infuriated over nothing, just like I did the first time I saw one of these 🤷

There is a lot of confusion around anarchism, because it is a negative description: It’s a collective without leader, without governing institutions. It doesn’t say much about how this collective organizes instead. So you could call the chaotic state after a government coup Anarchy. But that isn’t what anarchists are talking about and I don’t think that is what OP meant either.

Anarchy as a deliberate system is when a group of people decides to work or live together without selecting a leader or any other form of government, instead resolving decisions that affect everyone together. In that sense it is not an interim state, a leadership-vacuum just waiting to be filled. Although of course Anarchy can transition into another system by various means, but so can every other system as well.

I think it is important to add that even though no system is perfect and every system has it’s pros and cons, that doesn’t make them equal. As soon as we define goals, for example equal rights, some systems will be better equipped at achieving those while others might be actively hostile to them.

That is a misconception. Anarchism is a equal distribution of power among all participants. This will not change “naturally”. It can be changed by either efforts from within to establish a single individual or group as a ruler over the rest, or by outside forces. Neither I would classify as happening just naturally.

In an anarchist society, that is a community without hierarchies and rulers, threats are handled by the community. So one person with a big stick would have to fight everyone else to establish their dominance.

There are already a lot of good tips, I just want to add that telling people to calm down never works. They are upset for a reason, even if it’s a nonsensical one.

If you happen to become the lighting rod for someone else’s anger it helps to remind yourself that they are not actually upset with you personally. You just happen to be caught in it.

Sometimes it is possible to use empathy to align yourself with them by agreeing that this situation is upsetting, validating their feelings. In the end they will have to deal with their feelings, you can’t do that for them. All you can do is move out of the way and maybe redirect it. In this situation you could say: yes this sucks. I’m very sorry, I wish I could help you, but I will lose my job if I try. These regulations are there to protect our patients, but sometimes they get in the way. Unfortunately I cannot do anything about that. If I could I would.

In the end this might or might not work to redirect their anger. How they deal with their anger is out of your control. That also means it is not your responsibility and you don’t need to take it to heart personally.

Here in Germany it depends on the region. But even within one region it can be different from friend group to friend group.

I grew up in southern Germany with handshake as default greeting. Except women often get a hug instead. If you know someone well it’s more likely to greet with a hug with men grasping each other’s hand before a short hug and slap on the back. However, if you see them a lot you might just give them a nod. On the others hand id you haven’t seen them in a while they get a hug.

In East Germany, where I live now, it seems to be much more common to hug your friends. Interestingly some will put their head on the right, reaching with their left hand over your shoulder. Which can be very awkward, when you are used to the opposite and almost kiss.

Some of these comments are way too harsh!

I agree there is nothing wrong with your behavior. I think people are insensitive or just ignorant of others financial situation.

There are a lot of people who can’t afford too many unnecessary expenses. Still there are those who never had to think to much about expenses like drinks in a bar or food in a restaurant. They might not even be conscious of the fact that the people around them might have it different.

Then there is the general stigma around money, especially not having any. Many people are actively afraid that others could think they don’t have money. Feelings of shame and embarrassment around money are not uncommon. These are strong enough to lead to second hand embarrassment, seeing someone else showing signs of not having money. This can be very uncomfortable for them to experience, especially if they weren’t aware of it or don’t have much experience with it.

That is why it’s nice not to assume that everybody in the group can afford to go to a bar. I know it’s not easy to talk about money, but I think it’s important to be upfront with your wealthier friends if you can’t afford to go to the bar. They might reconsider going to somewhere else or someone’s flat instead or just invite you. It shouldn’t be upon the less wealthy to do this, but it’s an unfortunate reality in most circles I know. The only exceptions are circles where it’s common to have no money…

As for the bar and staff: they might talk and joke about it, because it’s unusual, but they would be pretty short sighted to mind it. If you come with a group that pays, they make money. You could always leave and find some place that doesn’t mind that one of you won’t order anything.

You could try a sort of compromise and order a glass of tap water, assuming that it’s free in your country of course. That way you order something, but make it clear that you won’t spend any money. You are not sneaking in and instead being upfront with the staff.

In any case don’t let yourself get bullied into spending money, when you can’t or don’t want to. I have myself been in the situation often enough that I couldn’t really afford such expenses or rather wanted to save my limited money to spend it somewhere else. It’s already an uncomfortable place, made harder by situations like that. However, there is nothing wrong with not having a lot of money and being open about it.

+1 for Linux Mint