She has a severe allergy to something? Sounds like a weakness that we cannot afford the head of DHS to have.

My cousin’s mom was a BEAST at Tetris on the original Nintendo back in the 80s.

Jail is basically my retirement plan if all else fails (and it probably will)

LOL lookit this fucking guy

Please refrain from doing anything for this delicate snowflake in the future, he doesn’t deserve your time.

Well, TIL

Back when my brother still lived with my mom, he, a full-grown adult, had a set of four square whiskey stones made of metal that he kept in the back of the freezer that he would add to a glass of whiskey every now and then. One night my mom texts me a picture of the whiskey stones while he’s not in the house with “I FOUND THESE IN THE FREEZER!” “ARE THESE DRUGS???” “WHAT IS THIS??” Like holy fuck, are you serious? Yeah, sure, they’re drugs, Mom. Cubed metal is all the rage on the streets these days. You just swallow them whole and get high as fuck.

So much winning!

Gross

I’d be flooding Instagram with pro-420 Day memes, if I had an account.

But this will make the cost of eggs go down!/s

One day I noticed he hadn’t moved in like, a while. I opened the cage and went to pick him up, and he was hard as a rock. RIP Teddy.

My partner was on it for like a minute but I don’t think they use it anymore. Certainly not as much as I do.

My tinfoil hat theory that is all in jest is that Mars was “First Earth” and it got real fucked up and anything that was there got wiped out and what we see now is all that’s left of it.

Chalk and charcoal

We had an optional secret santa in 5th grade, meaning no kid was forced to participate if they didn’t want to. It ran the month of December, you were supposed to give 1 gift a week. The first week I got nothing. The second week I got a single marble. The 3rd week I got a single pencil. The 4th and final week I got a tin of Royal Dansk Danish butter cookies. As a 5th grader, it was the biggest fucking letdown, especially when all the other kids were getting candy, toys, etc, every week.

:(

…Zavala, is that you?

NO.

Omg no