eupraxia

When I’m mentally unwell, I isolate myself instead of sharing the load with the loved ones in my life that would jump at the opportunity to support me. I fear being seen in a vulnerable state and given enough rumination I can easily find “reasons” why maybe it would be for the best if I disappeared for a bit instead.

I haven’t been able to directly overcome it yet, but I’ve become aware enough to communicate it and people in my life at least know the signs of it happening now.

I’m standing outside the LL Bean

…tryna get some free woman sweaters, know what I mean?

🥵

Today is Sunday, March 2093rd, 2020.

Capitol Hill has been a magnet for right-wingers coming to Seattle this year - most notably an anti-trans rally by a Christian theocratic organization from Spokane that led to counter-protestors clashing with police.

It’s a pretty famous neighborhood for its queer population as well as the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHOP/CHAZ) during the 2020 protests, which makes it a target for right-wing agitators despite its strong local community.

This is definitely part of it, parking is pretty hard to find in a lot of downtown. Depending on where you are, traffic can be really bad too, especially over some of the bridges. It’s a very hilly, coastal city limited by its geography in some ways. this video’s a cool explainer on it. The city only has flat land because it burnt down, was regraded, and built back up on top of the old city.

Seattle also just has a pretty good public light rail and bus system. It’s not perfect, but in places where coverage is good it’s great. The city should be leaning into it more, but it’s also very possible to move here and get by without a car. I also suspect (just from my own observation) more people move to Seattle who don’t own a car in the first place.

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?

This tracks for how a lot of people use the app, but depending on where you are you can also have some fairly normal (for a dating site) conversations with people as well. I spent a couple months on Grindr despite not being interested in hookups, since it’s a decent way to meet other trans folk in my area. My inbox was mostly dick pics but I also met some amazing people I’m still with several years later!

forreal, people have such low opinion of what kids can understand (because they think kids have all their own same biases automatically)

My partner teaches preschool, sometimes the kids ask her if she’s a boy. She says she used to be but she’s a girl now, the kids say “ohhh” and immediately move on. It only ever gets weird and confusing for the kids when the parents feel the need to argue that point.

Maybe banning all men from the community is necessary, or maybe just efficient, to fulfill this purpose.

Yeah, that’s more or less how I see the rule too. Ideally it wouldn’t exist, but without something like it in place, the majority of comments in a women’s issues community would come from men, especially on popular/controversial posts, and the mod team would get bogged down trying to keep discussion on topic. The tradeoff is between creating a community where women can speak to each other on these issues, or including men, some of whom would positively contribute to discussion and have their own relevant experiences to offer. The former isn’t really something that exists otherwise on Lemmy and I do feel it’s important to have a community to fulfill that purpose. I don’t see a more inclusive mod policy that’s simple enough to communicate as a rule for WomensStuff, but other communities could definitely step up to fill that role.

The last two bullet points are good ideas and it’d be completely valid imo to respond to a post in WomensStuff in another community including men. (“Guys, how do we feel about this?” kinda threads) !mensliberation@lemmy.ca may be what you’re looking for, it’s primarily for men and masc people but it is open to everyone to comment. (though my impression is that the vast majority of people there are men)

There you’d find discussion of issues men face too, and discussion of women’s issues could be framed around how men can respond to them. I think it’d actually be cool to encourage discussion of women’s issues among men, without women necessarily being present - I have a feeling different opinions and feelings would come up in a men’s community that probably need to be processed and understood, among people with lived experience as a man. Back when I identified as such I personally benefited a lot from browsing /r/MensLib and engaging in those types of discussions. So long as it’s centered around productive discussion rather than blaming women, which I do see these types of communities do a good job of.

vegan communities might be a closer example. A community of people vastly outnumbered by carnivores that have strong feelings about vegans. Generally when a vegan post gets popular, the comments become a bit of a shit fest due to the influx of people with less positive views of veganism. /r/SeattleWA had a similar issue and without effective moderation, turned into a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

AFAIK WomensStuff is open to trans women and nonbinary folks - pretty much anyone who identifies with womanhood on some level and can speak on it based on their own personal experience.

as a nonbinary person with lived experience across the gender spectrum I feel at home both in WomensStuff as well as MensLib type communities, so the “windows + linux” example definitely applies in these spaces too.

it’s definitely a thing for me too :) ideal deep squatting posture is one thing, but for me tight calves end up causing pain / other movement issues / difficulty sleeping too. if it ever ends up bothering you, standing calf stretches like runners do can help, or downward facing dogs, and if you have a resistance band you can do these:

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/banded-active-dorsiflexion

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/elevated-banded-ankle-dorsiflexion

(if it never bothers you feel free to ignore, also posting this for the benefit of anyone else in this thread)

If you’re falling over backward, your calves might be tight! Your ankles have to flex far enough for your feet to sit back far enough to be under your center of gravity.

the rule isn’t based on an immutable quality - the community accepts AMAB trans women and nonbinary folks. It’s in line with the goal of the community being to discuss experiences with womanhood - people that don’t identify with any aspect of it aren’t who the community is for.

Usually self-policing is good enough for this kind of thing. as an American, I don’t have much reason to comment in European centered communities, and while I do occasionally see Americans posting there, it’s pretty rare. (and even more rarely welcomed, lol)

That changes when it’s a community of people that are vastly outnumbered by those that have strong feelings about them. take vegan communities for instance. Check the comments of any vegan community post that gets popular, it’s often a shit fest due to the influx of carnivore opinions, and I can understand mods not feeling able to keep up when this happens. Without enforcing some kind of standard in line with the goals of the community, you turn into /r/SeattleWA, a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

Ideally I think this rule doesn’t exist, ideally this could be like other communities where people recognize their opinion isn’t needed here and move on - but that’s absolutely not going to happen with a women’s community.

You can very easily block it if you don’t like the idea of a community that isn’t for you, but e.g. as an American I do like checking in on European communities to see what’s going on over there. Even if they’re clowning on us. That’s ok.

I’m definitely with you in that diet culture does much more harm than good and the weight loss industry overcomplicates it in favor of wacky diets and subscriptions and such.

That being said, just because grifters overcomplicate something, doesn’t mean it’s actually not complicated - especially psychologically, which matters a lot when eating disorders, sensitivities, and difficulties acquiring and preparing quality food, all are in the mix. The psychological aspects are what “weight loss solutions” try to sidestep and I think it really sets people up for failure even if they see some short term loss early on.

Knowing about energy balance could be enough for some, but it’s also definitely reasonable for someone to have further challenges and seek outside help for it. A good nutritionist, trainer, or even therapist can be invaluable for someone struggling to lose weight and keep it off.

imo nobody who is struggling to lose weight needs to be told about energy balance. Everyone knows what a calorie is, and that there’s a daily amount at which they will either lose or gain weight. They probably know they’re above that amount, and need to bring it down to lose weight.

Unfortunately either a lot of good advice or a lot of bad advice can follow that. Nutrition and the psychological factors that influence people’s diets are more complicated and no answer is complete without getting into that too.

the best way to make it stick is to take it slowly. Become more aware of the food choices you make - a food log is helpful here - without necessarily looking to correct them first. Just note the times when you think about food, the times you’re able to eat healthy and smaller portions and the times when it’s harder. Then try and inject some alternatives, make healthier options available for yourself at home, and gradually move your food decisions toward more nutritious food and smaller portions of comfort food.

Even then, thinking in nutrition has moved on from eliminating “bad foods” to eating “good foods” first, and finding a level of moderation with less nutritious food that fits with your goals.

“Stop eating” diets and “fast weight loss” as a primary goal are very good ways to sabotage yourself in the long term. The psychological costs of very restrictive diets are real and lead to losing adherence down the road. Maybe it works for some but the more gradual choice-focused approach worked a lot better for me. Just do what you’re capable of day to day, always trying to push that needle a little further, and you might be surprised at how fast noticeable progress comes!

It’s working out great! I’ve been openly polyamorous for a few years now. Romantically engaging with multiple people has allowed for the longest-running, most secure relationships I’ve ever had, with basically no downsides except the fuCKING work. It complicates the logistics (my shared calendar is a nightmare) as well as the emotions. (recognizing when I am jealous is a nightmare)

But the payoff is so worth it. We make the best use of the time we have together, because we have to. We communicate effectively, because we have to. Through many intersecting relationships with appropriate boundaries we’ve weaved a cohesive family unit, one that achieves a lot of mutual aid needs around housing, food, and mental health support among local queers. I’ve grown a lot as a person through having to communicate my insecurities, sort out my trauma, and think more clearly about the people in my life.

I think some people on the internet have heard of insane polycule drama at some point and declared it categorically unapproachable. But idk, we don’t write off monogamous relationships because a cousin’s friend’s marriage exploded. Polyamorous relationships run the same spectrum of great to dogshit, but with less rules that monogamous relationships demand, we have so much more flexibility to solve problems when they come up.

glad it worked out for y’all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?

It’s a culture issue, it takes time and advocacy to improve…

It’s true! And one of the most effective forms of advocacy for this sort of thing is integration. Being in public spaces, doing the same things cis people do, respecting norms that ensure everyone’s safety there, is one of the most direct ways for us to be understood as pretty much like anyone else. Not an exception, but a peer and an equal member of a community. If you construct spaces to protect people from being uncomfortable at our mere presence, you deprive them of the exact experience that is most effective at alleviating their concerns.

“Bullshit” is shorthand for “bigoted, based on inaccurate assumptions, and very possible to overcome with exposure to the group these opinions are targeted at.” I say this with love and respect for my younger self that held many of the same “bullshit” opinions. And a mild frustration and willingness to draw clear lines in the sand now that I know better. Thanks for hearing me out while I vent a bit regardless. ✌️