eupraxia

This is definitely part of it, parking is pretty hard to find in a lot of downtown. Depending on where you are, traffic can be really bad too, especially over some of the bridges. It’s a very hilly, coastal city limited by its geography in some ways. this video’s a cool explainer on it. The city only has flat land because it burnt down, was regraded, and built back up on top of the old city.

Seattle also just has a pretty good public light rail and bus system. It’s not perfect, but in places where coverage is good it’s great. The city should be leaning into it more, but it’s also very possible to move here and get by without a car. I also suspect (just from my own observation) more people move to Seattle who don’t own a car in the first place.

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?

This tracks for how a lot of people use the app, but depending on where you are you can also have some fairly normal (for a dating site) conversations with people as well. I spent a couple months on Grindr despite not being interested in hookups, since it’s a decent way to meet other trans folk in my area. My inbox was mostly dick pics but I also met some amazing people I’m still with several years later!

forreal, people have such low opinion of what kids can understand (because they think kids have all their own same biases automatically)

My partner teaches preschool, sometimes the kids ask her if she’s a boy. She says she used to be but she’s a girl now, the kids say “ohhh” and immediately move on. It only ever gets weird and confusing for the kids when the parents feel the need to argue that point.

Maybe banning all men from the community is necessary, or maybe just efficient, to fulfill this purpose.

Yeah, that’s more or less how I see the rule too. Ideally it wouldn’t exist, but without something like it in place, the majority of comments in a women’s issues community would come from men, especially on popular/controversial posts, and the mod team would get bogged down trying to keep discussion on topic. The tradeoff is between creating a community where women can speak to each other on these issues, or including men, some of whom would positively contribute to discussion and have their own relevant experiences to offer. The former isn’t really something that exists otherwise on Lemmy and I do feel it’s important to have a community to fulfill that purpose. I don’t see a more inclusive mod policy that’s simple enough to communicate as a rule for WomensStuff, but other communities could definitely step up to fill that role.

The last two bullet points are good ideas and it’d be completely valid imo to respond to a post in WomensStuff in another community including men. (“Guys, how do we feel about this?” kinda threads) !mensliberation@lemmy.ca may be what you’re looking for, it’s primarily for men and masc people but it is open to everyone to comment. (though my impression is that the vast majority of people there are men)

There you’d find discussion of issues men face too, and discussion of women’s issues could be framed around how men can respond to them. I think it’d actually be cool to encourage discussion of women’s issues among men, without women necessarily being present - I have a feeling different opinions and feelings would come up in a men’s community that probably need to be processed and understood, among people with lived experience as a man. Back when I identified as such I personally benefited a lot from browsing /r/MensLib and engaging in those types of discussions. So long as it’s centered around productive discussion rather than blaming women, which I do see these types of communities do a good job of.

vegan communities might be a closer example. A community of people vastly outnumbered by carnivores that have strong feelings about vegans. Generally when a vegan post gets popular, the comments become a bit of a shit fest due to the influx of people with less positive views of veganism. /r/SeattleWA had a similar issue and without effective moderation, turned into a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

AFAIK WomensStuff is open to trans women and nonbinary folks - pretty much anyone who identifies with womanhood on some level and can speak on it based on their own personal experience.

as a nonbinary person with lived experience across the gender spectrum I feel at home both in WomensStuff as well as MensLib type communities, so the “windows + linux” example definitely applies in these spaces too.

it’s definitely a thing for me too :) ideal deep squatting posture is one thing, but for me tight calves end up causing pain / other movement issues / difficulty sleeping too. if it ever ends up bothering you, standing calf stretches like runners do can help, or downward facing dogs, and if you have a resistance band you can do these:

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/banded-active-dorsiflexion

https://www.rehabhero.ca/exercise/elevated-banded-ankle-dorsiflexion

(if it never bothers you feel free to ignore, also posting this for the benefit of anyone else in this thread)

If you’re falling over backward, your calves might be tight! Your ankles have to flex far enough for your feet to sit back far enough to be under your center of gravity.

the rule isn’t based on an immutable quality - the community accepts AMAB trans women and nonbinary folks. It’s in line with the goal of the community being to discuss experiences with womanhood - people that don’t identify with any aspect of it aren’t who the community is for.

Usually self-policing is good enough for this kind of thing. as an American, I don’t have much reason to comment in European centered communities, and while I do occasionally see Americans posting there, it’s pretty rare. (and even more rarely welcomed, lol)

That changes when it’s a community of people that are vastly outnumbered by those that have strong feelings about them. take vegan communities for instance. Check the comments of any vegan community post that gets popular, it’s often a shit fest due to the influx of carnivore opinions, and I can understand mods not feeling able to keep up when this happens. Without enforcing some kind of standard in line with the goals of the community, you turn into /r/SeattleWA, a place for non-Seattlites to complain about Seattle.

Ideally I think this rule doesn’t exist, ideally this could be like other communities where people recognize their opinion isn’t needed here and move on - but that’s absolutely not going to happen with a women’s community.

You can very easily block it if you don’t like the idea of a community that isn’t for you, but e.g. as an American I do like checking in on European communities to see what’s going on over there. Even if they’re clowning on us. That’s ok.

I’m definitely with you in that diet culture does much more harm than good and the weight loss industry overcomplicates it in favor of wacky diets and subscriptions and such.

That being said, just because grifters overcomplicate something, doesn’t mean it’s actually not complicated - especially psychologically, which matters a lot when eating disorders, sensitivities, and difficulties acquiring and preparing quality food, all are in the mix. The psychological aspects are what “weight loss solutions” try to sidestep and I think it really sets people up for failure even if they see some short term loss early on.

Knowing about energy balance could be enough for some, but it’s also definitely reasonable for someone to have further challenges and seek outside help for it. A good nutritionist, trainer, or even therapist can be invaluable for someone struggling to lose weight and keep it off.

imo nobody who is struggling to lose weight needs to be told about energy balance. Everyone knows what a calorie is, and that there’s a daily amount at which they will either lose or gain weight. They probably know they’re above that amount, and need to bring it down to lose weight.

Unfortunately either a lot of good advice or a lot of bad advice can follow that. Nutrition and the psychological factors that influence people’s diets are more complicated and no answer is complete without getting into that too.

the best way to make it stick is to take it slowly. Become more aware of the food choices you make - a food log is helpful here - without necessarily looking to correct them first. Just note the times when you think about food, the times you’re able to eat healthy and smaller portions and the times when it’s harder. Then try and inject some alternatives, make healthier options available for yourself at home, and gradually move your food decisions toward more nutritious food and smaller portions of comfort food.

Even then, thinking in nutrition has moved on from eliminating “bad foods” to eating “good foods” first, and finding a level of moderation with less nutritious food that fits with your goals.

“Stop eating” diets and “fast weight loss” as a primary goal are very good ways to sabotage yourself in the long term. The psychological costs of very restrictive diets are real and lead to losing adherence down the road. Maybe it works for some but the more gradual choice-focused approach worked a lot better for me. Just do what you’re capable of day to day, always trying to push that needle a little further, and you might be surprised at how fast noticeable progress comes!

It’s working out great! I’ve been openly polyamorous for a few years now. Romantically engaging with multiple people has allowed for the longest-running, most secure relationships I’ve ever had, with basically no downsides except the fuCKING work. It complicates the logistics (my shared calendar is a nightmare) as well as the emotions. (recognizing when I am jealous is a nightmare)

But the payoff is so worth it. We make the best use of the time we have together, because we have to. We communicate effectively, because we have to. Through many intersecting relationships with appropriate boundaries we’ve weaved a cohesive family unit, one that achieves a lot of mutual aid needs around housing, food, and mental health support among local queers. I’ve grown a lot as a person through having to communicate my insecurities, sort out my trauma, and think more clearly about the people in my life.

I think some people on the internet have heard of insane polycule drama at some point and declared it categorically unapproachable. But idk, we don’t write off monogamous relationships because a cousin’s friend’s marriage exploded. Polyamorous relationships run the same spectrum of great to dogshit, but with less rules that monogamous relationships demand, we have so much more flexibility to solve problems when they come up.

glad it worked out for y’all! It seems rare for a monogamous relationship to be successfully opened up, rather than it being the expectation from the outset. I can imagine it being a big challenge and test of your compatibility + ability to communicate. Was that your experience?

It’s a culture issue, it takes time and advocacy to improve…

It’s true! And one of the most effective forms of advocacy for this sort of thing is integration. Being in public spaces, doing the same things cis people do, respecting norms that ensure everyone’s safety there, is one of the most direct ways for us to be understood as pretty much like anyone else. Not an exception, but a peer and an equal member of a community. If you construct spaces to protect people from being uncomfortable at our mere presence, you deprive them of the exact experience that is most effective at alleviating their concerns.

“Bullshit” is shorthand for “bigoted, based on inaccurate assumptions, and very possible to overcome with exposure to the group these opinions are targeted at.” I say this with love and respect for my younger self that held many of the same “bullshit” opinions. And a mild frustration and willingness to draw clear lines in the sand now that I know better. Thanks for hearing me out while I vent a bit regardless. ✌️

I understand there’s no solution here that doesn’t result in discomfort for someone, it will always be a balance, but I’m pretty opposed to declaring spaces off limits for trans people for cis people’s comfort. That does nothing but push the discomfort off into the future and deny us access to public spaces simply due to the fact that people don’t feel like seeing our bodies. Would it be appropriate to enforce acceptable BMI ranges, or require patrons to have all their limbs, or require them to have a particular skin color? All these things make some uncomfortable too, for bullshit reasons, and we wouldn’t allow for discrimination on those grounds - why are trans bodies the exception?

Not going after you in particular, this is a pretty common hangup. But it just irks me given that going to a spa every now and then is extremely important to my health due to chronic pain. If this was the norm for spas within reasonable distance of me, I’d have nowhere to go to meet that need. Denying services in this manner is not trivial or harmless.

I guess I’m of the mind that if you’re showing up to be nude in a spa around other nude people, does it actually tangibly matter which genitals are present, so long as all other norms of the space are respected? Bodies are just bodies. The rules of engagement (read: “don’t”) are still the same. Trans women are not coming into women’s spaces to harass cis women, in fact we’re a lot more likely to be harassed ourselves if we’re required to use mens-only facilities instead.

This is a spa in with locations in Tacoma/Lynnwood WA, relatively near there is a nude beach that seems to handle this just fine.

I mean, are trans people who haven’t had bottom surgery not supposed to use gender-separated locker rooms? Which one should we use? I go to a spa where I can change in the women’s locker room and it’s just very normal. I’m not concerning anyone with my dick and nobody’s concerning themselves with mine. Granted, it seems patrons of this spa remain nude while using the facilities, but it’s still a comparable example. If harassment / unwanted sexual advances are one’s concern, then unfortunately that is just possible anyway and needs to be mitigated regardless of genital configuration. They could at least let her wear a swim skirt or something y’know?

I feel there’s some parallels here with fat shaming. (and addiction shaming in general) People exposed to judgemental attitudes about their weight are measurably more likely to become obese, no matter their initial weight. Shaming can make one more fixated on their desire for food, and when that desire is in the front of one’s mind, it raises the psychological effort required to resist the urge for comfort in food. That effort is not infinite and will eventually run out, which is why white-knuckling through a diet tends to not lead to permanent results.

Misinformed sex education teaches us to feel shame for sexual urges most everyone has, and in a similar capacity could make one more fixated on that urge. If one instead has a positive view toward their sexuality, they do not have to cope with insecurities that remind them of temptation toward something they’re not supposed to do but would be immensely pleasurable. They just do it from time to time and it doesn’t bleed into the rest of their life.

idk a bit personal but, I find accepting all parts of my sexuality (especially the parts that make me feel icky) has made me much less prone to risky behavior. shame makes it difficult to make good decisions. I’m a lot more clearheaded now and can just enjoy physical affection with someone I love. I can communicate what I’d enjoy and set appropriate boundaries. fantasy and reality are more well separated now. importantly, I am more satisfied at a baseline and therefore seeking out sex less on the whole.

Body and sex positivity works extremely well as a means of coping with primal urges, not only because it makes us feel better about parts of us that will never go away, but also because accepting them actually leads to better self-control and decisionmaking.

in fact they come from the same Latin roots! “trans-” = “on the other side of”, “cis-” = “on the same side of.” Useful to know as some will use the word “transgender” and take offense to being labeled “cisgender” - if one word is valid, they both are.