I use my own modem and my own router with XFinity.

Get your own gateway. Don’t rent theirs.

Thanks to Trump, America doesn’t make any cents.

Not true. If the times were shorter you would still be able to pick up liquids.

They were racist remarks. Not inappropriate remarks.

I had a very sturdy, energetic dog who loved chasing a thrown ball. He was tied to a long rope (about 100 feet). I did not pay attention to where the rope was and threw the ball and he exploded from my side and flew like a rocket after the ball. The rope, unfortunately, was tied to a tree in the direction I was throwing but was curled behind me. I was wearing shorts and as the rope started to be pulled away, it pulled up against both of my calves and abraded all of the skin from the backs of my legs away in a moment, and then the rope was pulled taught, deftly swiping both of my legs out from underneath me, dropping me backwards onto my head on a stone patio, splitting my scalp and spraying blood all over my white canvas outdoor furniture. The dog looked very proud for catching the ball when he loped up to me afterwards.

What’s the letter “t” for?

Is that Santa giving head to an elf? Nice.

Women always will be habitually underestimated.

There’s a fuel distributor near me named “Just Oil (and more!)”

Seriously though. If they aren’t just selling the hotdogs, what ELSE are they doing with the hotdogs. Seems like it could be inappropriate.

Nope. My car had not mechanical defects at all but cost $23k to repair when the battery failed.

Just a little bit maybe go fuck yourself :)

If you have balanitis: wash your penis every day using just water or an emollient (moisturising treatment) gently pull back your foreskin and wash the area with warm water. dry gently after washing. if you use condoms, choose condoms for sensitive skin. wash your hands before peeing or touching your penis

Their heads are as soft as their little impotent penises.

This will be the ski capital of the world once the Gulf stream finishes dying out.

If Democrats weren’t cowards that would have the Senate fire up a RICO investigation regarding the conspiracy to show revenge porn on the house floor and indict all of the sitting Republican house members.

This is a shitty meme because that dude was so religious he would never touch a wiener unless it was on the Lord Jesus Christ. Then he would personally guide it wherever his Lord desired, playing with His balls and rimming Him all the while.

Needs mayo

Actually only affects the earth based trout population.

You’re just making it worse.