One of my former co-workers (a science teacher) once told me of a “game” he and his friends “played” when they were growing up in the 1970s. It involved drawing a circle on the ground about the circumference of holding your arms out, then taking a bow and arrow, aiming it straight up, releasing said arrow, and standing still. If you crouched or left the circle, you lost.

Pretty sure he told me that at least one kid wound up with an arrow through the foot.

lol For a moment there I was thinking “I thought we were the Sailfish…”

One of my best friends smoked some shortly after my experience. They were transported to Jurassic Park and were screaming for the Baby Jesus to run from a triceratops. “Run baby Jesus, RUN!” stands as one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard someone yell.

Salvia is maybe the most dangerous drug for someone like me. I don’t like feeling altered, never really enjoyed my experiences with marijuana because I wanted it to be over after awhile. But salvia? Intense hallucination but it only lasts like 15 minutes? Sign me up.

Back when it was legal I smoked some. Once it hit, the world kinda wobbled like the glass on the building in the Matrix after the helicopter crashes. I was in an easy chair. All the shadows in the room were orange and yellow static and then my TV, which was off, expanded to indefinite size, turning the wall to my left into a black void. My chair lifted up, turned, and I flew into that black void, which was outer space. I had a BLAST. I was yelling and hooting as I blasted through the cosmos. Then I backed out, my chair settled back into my living room. I felt thirsty and so wanted to get a drink from the jug of Kool-aid I’d made that was in the fridge. I stood up and was like 12-feet tall or something. I remember feeling like I was reaching down into what felt like a doll house fridge to retrieve the jug. As I drank, I returned to normal size. The trip was over, no side effects.

I never did it again. I figured I’d had a good experience and didn’t want to risk it. I had friends who did it and they felt like their skin was an itchy suit and they tried to unzip themselves to get out of it. Nope.

Came here to say this! The ol’ Reverse Midas!

I, for one, would not mess with the Swiss guard. They are highly trained AND they wear those ridiculous outfits. Someone willing to wear that orange and blue nonsense with that coffee filter collar while brandishing a halberd is not to be trifled with.

This is about Saint Paul. According to tradition, Saint Peter was the first bishop of Rome (and, thus, the first pope). Different guys. Paul was basically the first Christian theologian.

Hate to break it to you, but we already have this. It’s known as Evangelicalism.

(And yes, I know that there are decent folks in the Evangelical world; I’ve met them. But, overall, the movement has become a cesspit of fascist-aligned nationalistic heresy that doesn’t even really seem to believe in the person at the center of Christianity. Also, the great irony of your example is that the American branch of Henry VIII’s church–the Episcopal Church–is now considered too woke to be Christian by these people.)

I tend to maintain belief in the miraculous aspects of the stories. But this is one where I can accept the “non-miraculous” telling (because, as the saying goes, “it’ll preach”). Whether or not Jesus actually multiplied fish and bread through miraculous means, the thrust of the story is still true: Jesus can take what seems meager and make it into something that benefits multitudes.

Oh I know! I grew up around King James-only people. The committee tasked with finding a new pastor for my church growing up was deeply split over this issue with some members claiming that the New King James translation celebrated the “Mark of the Beast” (this is because the NKJV used a Celtic knot as its logo; yes, the famous symbol associated with helping illustrate the doctrine of the Trinity).

Kind of related story: I had a lisp growing up and went to a speech therapist. Reading the King James out loud was difficult because all the -th suffixes ran counter to my therapy. So I started swapping the -th suffixes with -s whenever we’d read aloud from the Bible (like in school or congregational settings; no one seemed to notice). To the point that this is now just what happens when I read “olde English.” Which was never a problem until I became a priest in the Episcopal Church and the early morning services tend to use what’s known as “Rite I” which maintains the older English of previous prayer books (the people who go to such services take this very seriously). And so I’d have to consciously undo this habit when celebrating at Rite I masses.

[sighs heavily] Yes

Raised evangelical.

EDIT: Was raised evangelical but was on the precipice of leaving that world, however I had accumulated a lot of credits at a different evangelical institution that would transfer and count toward my degree. But where I went to school (Palm Beach Atlantic University) was, at the time, a pretty relaxed school (in evangelical terms).

One of the biggest mistakes resulting from the Protestant Reformation’s push for the proliferation of Bibles was the belief that one can just pick the thing up and read it like it’s any other book, divorced from the tradition that wrote and shaped it. The whole idea that God assembled 66 books and bound them up in leather and dropped it from heaven is both foreign to the vast majority of Christian thinking throughout history AND grounds for a very dangerous heresy (turning the Bible into the “ultimate” revelation of God, rather than Jesus being that or at the very least redefining the Trinity as “Father, Son, and Holy Scriptures”).

The funny thing is, is that the same people who hold to an idea that if everyone read the Bible the world would be better are the same who offer selective readings and ignore/downplay the parts they don’t like (as we see in this proposal).

I grew up Southern Baptist, was in church EVERY Sunday morning, Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening. I also went to the school attached to our church from first grade through high school and was extremely involved in our youth group. I wound up having a bit of a messy break-up with the Southern Baptists and, after about two years of relative spiritual aimlessness, I found the Episcopal Church (which is quite different from the Southern Baptists, what with our women and Queer clergy and openness to a variety of things now deemed “woke”). I remember the Sunday when I heard both the reading and a sermon from Matthew 24 (the part where Jesus talks about His return and says “what you do for the least of these you do for me”) and, I swear, I’d never heard that part before then. If I had, we must’ve just glossed over it. But it was like hearing from a completely different religion and made me really excited about being a Christian.

I’ve read the Bible through many times. Both in times of belief and in times of doubt. I wound up becoming an Episcopal priest. I’d argue that the more someone reads the Bible and truly studies it the less likely they are to remain “literalists” when it comes to the Bible. Which also has the effect of broadening one’s view of God.

I was the guy that owned his own bowling balls (yes, plural) and shoes. In my twenties. Mostly because it was near impossible to find a ball that had the right weight and hole size.

But I have a story: I went to an Evangelical university in the early 2000s. Start of sophomore year they held a bowling tournament at the local alley. So me and two friends signed up. But we first went to the thrift store and bought cheap polyester suits and enormous aviator sunglasses, aiming for something out of the “Sabotage” music video. Our other friend decided to dress up like he was our “muscle” by wearing an outfit like you’d see in the background of the “Beat It” music video. We walked into the alley (which had not been updated since probably 1981, other than the scoring screens) and decided to take on personas like we owned the place, talking trash and generally acting like we existed in a different plane from everyone else. I kept an unlit cigarette in my mouth the whole time. I was the first of our team to bowl and, quite magically, I got a strike right out the gate.

All these church youth-group types were our competition. They had no idea how to deal with us. We won our match and then went to the bar, ordering Miller High Life and pretending we were regulars. Then the guy who held the event came up to us. Apparently drinking alcohol at a university sponsored event is a VERY serious no-no. Even though the official stance was that students of legal age were allowed to drink (at extremely moderate levels), alcohol was not allowed on campus nor, apparently, at events. Oops. Perhaps because we were having a good time they let it slide (I was also an RA at the time, which probably helped). Either way, we finished 3rd.

I grew up in the 'hood. Many years back, coming home from work, I drove through the Popeyes for dinner. At the speaker to order and tell them I want “two breasts and a thigh.”

“I bet you do, honey!” says the female voice through the speaker. Absolute gold.

This. But also a degree of expedience played a role too. Rome had twisted Judea (and, eventually, Galilee) to such a degree that the temple leadership was willing to let Rome crucify a guy like Jesus because it kept Rome from taking more. People like Pilate were looking for excuses to bring the hammer down on the citizens of Judea. Passover was often a flashpoint for insurrection (a bunch of oppressed people huddled together, all brought together by the unifying story of that time their God raised up a dude to lead them against their first oppressor–the festival was primed for any number of would-be “messiahs” to rise up and eventually try something against Rome, which led to intense crack-downs and, at times, mass crucifixions). So Rome backed the cultural and religious authorities into a corner, turning them into the sort of people who’d gladly hold sham trials to get rid of a guy who might bring more trouble down on their heads.

Also lots of “well, you’re animal isn’t really pure enough. But you’re in luck because we happen to have a few High Priest Certified^tm animals right over here. We’ll just take yours on trade and you can pay the difference!” (then resell the perfectly good sacrificial animal to the next poor pilgrim who comes along)

One of the few things that winds up being included in all four gospels.