To be fair I still do these things but only when I’m alone.
Personally I love finding big puddles and then dig drains with a stick or my heel and watch the water flow.
Also love to throw a piece of wood into water and then toss stones high up in the air and try hit it imagining it’s a warship I’m trying to bomb.
Then also without going into details there are some pieces of clothing I would like to wear but don’t because they’re considered femine or gay.
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Do what’s best for you.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to transition.
But the people who really care about you will accept you either way.
You are worthy of love.
I see you, you are valid and you are worth it <3
I sympathize with that. I work with two ftm trans and even though they pass pretty well you just know not everyone is going to let that go and they probably have to deal with people giving them weird looks, or even obviously looking for too long trying to guess at what gender they are.
And even when you have friends that understand and love you people can misgender accidentally by no malicious fault of their own, and even apologizing and working on that doesn’t make it any less awkward and a call to attention. It’s an every day difficulty in a lot of ways, especially in public.